Share funny stories of things that have happened in games of Malifaux

[Math Mathonwy]

Here's a thread for amusing anecdotes.

One I loved was when two friends of mine had a game. Friend Y had Ramos with the usual stuff including Joss and a Metal Gamin. Friend X took Take Prisoner on Metal Gamin. First activation Metal Gamin walks. Second activation, Joss charges the Metal Gamin and turns it into two Scrap. Friend X in staring in utter disbelief.

Another funny one was when I was playing Wong against Von Schill. Von Schill was at one wound. If he loses initiative, Wong will almost certainly kill him. Well, Von Schill wins initiative and Rips off his Shirt. Black Joker on the Healing Flip. "Oh well, that's that, then." Wong's flip for the Terrifying duel: Black Joker. Apparently the wounds on Von Schill's chest were truly scary!

Now tell us yours!

[Gnomezilla]

If All You Have is a Can Opener, Everything Looks Like a Can (Hoffman vs. Von Schill)

Von Schill was low on wounds after the chain harpoon had reeled him away from the Freikorps and toward the construct bubble. He ripped his shirt off--mobile toolkit passed, peacekeeper blocked LoS to everything else--and then I was educated that I'd left a 32mm gap in the bubble as Von Schill jumped into the middle of it. Half naked.

I was somewhat taken aback.

I was rather more taken aback when he then threatened Hoffman with a literal can opener. Fortunately for me he flipped a black joker, giving me time to think. The next construct to connect with its attack was the mobile toolkit. Which automatically ignores armor. Which did just enough damage to kill Von Schill for the Assassinate.

Now I affectionately call the mobile toolkit 'the better can opener'.

I Am NOT Squadron Commander Lord Flashheart (Hoffman vs. Seamus)

13 for the first belle (henceforth to be called Lucy). Black joker for Hoffman.

Spoiler

 

And then the second belle.

And then Sybelle. Who smacked Hoffman into insignificance on the first lash, and succeeded on the obey on the second--at which point Seamus' player spent some minutes puzzling over what Hoffman, alone among the wreckage of his constructs, lured far away from any scheme markers (and let's not forget, now too insignificant to remove them even if they were in range), could do for her. Conclusion: nothing whatsoever. She gave him a tongue-lashing about his uselessness and let him go.

Final: 5-5 tie, and a total loss of dignity for the Guild...

Edited March 4, 2016 by Gnomezilla
half the story got lost somewhere after the spoiler box

[Durza]

Guild Captain and Guild Hound engaged with Ice Golem, Ice Golem uses toss on Hound, pushes it into Captain, both fail the duels and I don't have the cards to cheat, they both die. We figured the Golem just picked up the dog and smacked the Captain with it.

[Cadaverousbirth]

Hoffman vs. Daw (lots of Hoff stories already, I love it). Turf War. Brutal first couple of turns. Hoffman is staring Jack down until Daw Obeys the Guardian to do the last wounds to Hoff. The injustice of betrayal! 

[Akodo Harid]

This happened recently and made me sad. Freikorps Trapper focus fired on Burt because I had a joker in hand was gonna wreck that.

Black joker on attack. Ram trigger defense.

He flips a red joker on damage.

Then Trixibelle runs up and wiggles her bum sending him jumping off  a clock tower to his death.

Burt would go on to deal like 12 damage on reaction flips without ever taking an attack.

[Tayne]

My Kaeris against a Hoffman crew. Kaeris swoops in and uses Grab and Drop on Hoffman.

"Hoffman can't be pushed or pulled due to his upgrade."

"Sorry, it's a place effect. It works."

I Red Jokered the flip, placing him away from his constructs and next to my Rail Golem.

Who Delivered a rather spiffy message to him.

Then he did the Locomotion..

[bertmac]

Playing a campaign game Howard Langston about to reactivate and murder ototo, ama no zako double walks over and obeys my Johanna to attack Howard getting + flips to attack due to being within 3" of a friendly m&su model then ++ to damage due to her relic hammer smashed him to bits!

[BloodBought]

Playing Lynch vs Hoffman.  My opponent had Langston playing bodyguard to Hoffman as they rolled the Hoffball forward.  I had Huggy come up on a flank and obey Langston to smack his Master.  Hit the decapitate trigger and since I had a straight flip on damage, cheated in the Red Joker for damage for insult to injury.  My poor opponent had to dump cards and stone for damage prevention just to barely stay alive at 1 wound.  Came so close to Langston blowing things up for Hoffman with one well-timed obey lol.

[Tokapondora]

Not particularly gameplay related but I've had Huggy walk around with Seamus' hat on for most of the game. Forced Seamus to drop it at the start of turn two and managed to snag it away immediately. The image is something that'll stay with us forever.

[Solicitor 6]

10 Thunder Mei vs. Lady J.  Sparks and the Rail Golem were within melee range of Lady J and I won initiative at the start of Turn 3.  Sparks goes first and Winds Up the Rail Golem, making him Fast, then gets a hit on Lady J with his Beatin' Wrench and hits the Burning trigger.  The Rail Golem Accomplices, discards Recalled Training and I have enough Burning counters on the Golem and Tomes in hand to guarantee Locomotion 3 times (in addition to being Fast); therefore having at least 7AP.  First attack whiffs and Lady J hits her Riposte trigger.  Red Joker damage, which was enough, even factoring in armor, to kill my Golem.

I suddenly had this anime scene play in my head.  The Rail Golem, all fired up swings. The screen goes black and a thin silver flash cut the dark.  The next shot is Lady J crouched with her sword extended and the Rail Golem standing there before it starts sliding off of an angle from where it's legs have been cut. 

[DaRedWun]

This happened on my last game:

Playing the Viks for the fist time against a friend playing Lynch for the second time the strategy was Turf War and I had Assassinate and Murder Protege. Teddy had already eaten Hannah on turn two, and Vik of Blood on Turn three. Then I charge Taelor in to whack him in the face and save Vik of Ashes.

First hit, my opponent cheats a red joker and Taelor misses. Second hit, she lands the hammer so hard I'm at a double positive even after that stupid Impossible to Wound bull. Then I flip a black joker.

Turn four, Teddy eats Vik of Ashes. Then Taelor charges his butt again. First hit only deals minimum damage. And on the second I flip a red joker to crush that ugly *****

By the time the dust settled I somehow had more models than my oponent despite him starting with 9 and me with 8. I now am really torn with the Viks as I hate their looks but love their playstyle.

[Gnomezilla]

How Not to Shoot (Hoffman vs. Misaki [10 Thunders])

A Samurai unshoulders his gatling gun and aims at...the Malifaux Child.

He was giving me tips all through that battle, so I said, "Are you sure you want to try that? She's still manipulative."

He did try that. He didn't succeed at that. He didn't have Favor of Jigoku. He cost himself a VP from Bodyguard as the recoil from the gun did so much damage.

That was my first battle ever. Later I learned what Sidir was capable of with his own machine gun, and I was even more puzzled.

But to be fair, that battle was odd all around. Misaki charged into melee with Hoffman, and he burnt her to a crisp. The austringer's raptor, randomizing into a combat against two enemy models, dive-bombed the watcher every time--it must have been territorial. I think Sidir and the Malifaux Child were the only models on the table which performed as advertised.

[CapnBloodbeard]

There  was one hilarious game where the poor Malifaux child was seriously abused by my opponent, he was obeyed quite a number of times to beat up my own team, and when I tried to do something useful with him he flipped the black joker.  Later that tournament he got his own back when he managed to kill Ototo...which is hilarious.

The final game of a recent tournament was von Schill (me) vs Tara.  Turf war, forget the schemes.  Very sparse table.  Corner deployment, with 2 long and tall buildings parallely to our deployment corners, so we both had to get around them to get to the centre of the table.  Top floor (Ht 6 or so) had explosion damage and was open, so my Trapper was having his best 'Enemy at the Gates' moment.

 

Anyway, my opponent just sort of marched his army into the middle, and I threw vS into the thick of it.  Turn 2 melee was well and truly on, and after copping a bit of damage the shirt came off (with my opponent's entire army within range of the ensuing Horror duel).  Now, I normally flip cards like I want to lose, but this game my attacks kept winding up on negative for damage, and every time was double severe.  My opponent?  Weak, every time.  Then Armor, so 1 damage.  Then 1 damage.  Then 1 damage.  Repeat x many.  Then my librarian hiding around the corner would heal up von Schill.....

 

Well, the game because about the mosh pit in the middle and killing von Schill.  We both completely abandoned the schemes because we where just having too much fun hurtling everything into the middle and making many wrestling references.  So there were about 7 or 8 models in the middle with multiple circles of engagement.  My trapper tried to be useful and take a shot at an enemy model, but shot Johann in the back of the head instead.

 

By this point we had quite a crowd and it was the most fun I've ever had playing the game, and after surviving about 30 attacks in a row von Schill finally succumbed to some weak damage from the Convict Gunslinger.  Great fun all round!!

 

[Parker Barrows]

1. I was playing Molly using the Colette scenario from the Crossroads book. I had 10 VP by Turn 4. My opponent was going to tie me on Turn 5 from Distract and the Strategy. I murdered almost my entire crew. I even summoned things to kill others stuff and then murder the summoned. Only Molly and a Croogalin I ran into the corner of the board (too far away from any of his models).

2. I was using Ulix. The strat was Reconnoiter. I used a Pig-A-pult to launch a few Piglets on the high terrain (it was ruins). I thought they were safe until my opponent pointed that range would still be drawn vertically. It rained Piglets.

[Trample]

I had a game about a week ago (Colette vs. Ramos) where I was pressuring him hard at the start of turn 3 with Cassandra and Miss Step. He won initiative and really had to kill Cassandra before she activated and took Southern Charm. I was prepared to defend her with cards and stones. His gunsmith, already engaged with Cassandra, switched chambers to experimental rounds and attacked. He flipped the black joker. Unfortunately for me, Cassandra flipped the black joker. So we have a tie at 6. He flips his three cards and flips a red joker of course, doing 8 damage. With Cassandra at about 5 wounds at the time stones weren't an option, so down goes Cassandra. 

It was that kind of game and ended as a 8-8 draw.   

[CapnBloodbeard]

Game 6 of a 2-day tournament.  I was playing Viks v Misaki.  Head hunter.

 

I wasn't doing too well at the tournament, so I wasn't too worried about how I was going in this one.  Fun > winning.

 

My opponent had 4 models all bunched up between 2 buildings with my Viks around the corner (wasn't runing Spirit so couldn't slingshot).

 

I could see he had dropped 3 markers there so I figured it was for Setup....so it was 'he'll get 3 points.....but I'm not going to win the tournament and how can I not whirlwind them?). (Whirlwind allows you to take another attack against every model in range)

Activated Shooty Vik.  Did one of her zero AP, then ran out and charged.  Whirlwinded, didn't kill anything.  All good.

He activated, pushed the markers up to within 4 in of my Vik.

So, my opponent, with a similar attitude to myself that game, pointed out that he was going to win 3VP from those markers.  So there was only 1 thing for it.

 

Pokey Vik had to kill Shooty Vik.

 

So, 0AP of some sort, burn oathkeeper, step out, charge Shooty Vik.  First attack, I not only forgot to burn a SS for whirlwind, but despite a double positive flip I didn't get a tome.  And I forgot I had a hand.  So, just hit my own Vik on that one.  Second attempt, burn SS for whirlwind.  Relented, then did min damage....dammit!  Had to burn a SS for damage prevention (I wanted her to survive or else I'd lose melee expert).  Continued with that attack, killed some minions, last attack killed Vik and all but 1 minion.

 

So, by charging my own Vik of Ashes with my Vik of Blood and bouncing Whirlwind off her, I not only denied 3VP to my opponent (as well as a potential 4 headhunter points), but also won HeadHunter for that turn.  And basically wiped out half the board.  In Turn 2.  Of course, Misaki soon made very short work of her.

 

In hindsight I should have just activated the master, buffed everything (I've realised that bumping up the min damage is much better than a positive attack flip.....), then ran in Pokey Vik on her own.  Oh well!

[Gnomezilla]

A Victory for Constructs Everywhere (McCabe vs. Ramos)

"I was hesitant about escalating this arms race," I said, "but I am getting very sick of seeing Reconnoiter flipped after just knowing my opponent is bringing Ramos..."

A freshly assembled Johan hit the table.

And it was the only thing he hit that game. He may as well have had a pulse weapon for all the times he swung at a steam arachnid, with decent flips no less, yet missed. After two turns of Johan being nothing but a tarpit to steam arachnids, an electrical creation detonation, and a steam arachnid detonation, that original steam arachnid--

"He's dodging to the left! He's dodging to the right! And now he's jumping up in your face!"

--killed off a wielder of a relic hammer.

We shook on it. Truly, as Ramos' player said, a victory for constructs everywhere. MVP--no, make that MVC--of the game, possibly of all time among constructs.

[cristomeyers]

One from my first tourney quite some time ago:

It's a Halloween event and I'm playing Perdita in this round. My opponent picks Rasputina, but when he's putting his list together mentions that he'd like to take another Ice Gamin but didn't have a spar model. I've got my Rasputina stuff with me so I offer him one of mine.

We get started and I'm getting pounded. We're near the end of the game and I look at the board: Perdita's nearly down and out and the Gamin I loaned him is in charge range. He looks at the board, looks at me, "You know I've got to do it."

He charges and knocks my Master out with my own Gamin.

--

More recent: been practicing for a tourney that was today (1W/3L, better n' usual for me). Game on Sunday: line up Lady Justice to kill a Beckoner for Mark for Death. Move, Mark, Kill. Easy, right? Nope, black joker on the damage. Next game on Monday: playing Marcus. Trying to kill another vital model: opponent pulls the Red Joker to prevent all damage. Tuesday: trying to disengage so I can pick up the tying point from Headhunter. Cheat the red joker to get out, opponent then cheats their red joker to keep me there. I blurt out "Can I please play one game where I don't get screwed by the joker?!"

Think I said it louder than I thought... I was getting some weird looks.

[farabaugh100]

Colette V Pandora.  I rocketed Howard into his Hooded Rider.   Missed both attacks.  Pandora kills Howard.  I reveals Framed for Murder.  He reveals a Quick Murder.  The Score is 3-3.  Turn two he rockets the Hooded rider into Joss.  Joss and Cassandra kill the Hooded Rider.  I reveals A Quick Murder.  He reveals Framed for Murder.  The game ended in a 8-8 tie.

[Erik1978]

My own crazy experience: I play Lilith with pure Nephilim, growth upgrades on Nekima.

Playing against a mix of models lead by Von Schill. I quickly kill a few and get ahead.

In turn 3 I stand to seal the game when Nekima needs to hit Killjoy just ONCE to kill him, and through growth transform my young Nephilim into a mature.

One little strike and I have this game in the bag...

There's just that one little terror test and of course I flip the black joker, and of course I don't have Pact on Nekima. So she freezes. A sure thing completely gone but it doesn't end there!

Now Killjoy activates, kills Nekima and heals up completely. So I went from removing Killjoy and gaining a mature nephilim to losing Nekima, having to face an unharmed Killjoy again, and not getting the growth, all because of that one black joker.

The game ended in a draw after that.

[Gnomezilla]

Vengeance Cold and Metallic (Hoffman vs. Von Schill)

Von Schill avenged that 'better can opener' remark previously by using his can opener to shank the mobile toolkit for the kill. It wasn't efficient use of AP; it was strictly personal.

The hunter prepared to pounce, rip and tear on the Freikorps librarian, and on that double positive, flipped a black joker--and the librarian flipped an ace to tie, out of an empty hand. The robo kitty leaped, and overshot! and then the librarian, screaming and turning to flee, ran right into the arc of its leap regardless.

Hannah needed to kill the watcher at range before next activation when it would flee, but the Freikorps librarian was dead and could not loan casting actions. She looked across the field at Hoffman. She looked at Lazarus.

Lazarus felt red-hot rage at the touch of machine puppet, and was so livid he red jokered the grenade launcher damage flip on a construct with two wounds left. The watcher must have dropped the head it was carrying off the field, instead of its own, because it was smashed into its component molecules otherwise.

Guild's vengeance came in scoring 5 points at the end of the final turn (love Detonate Charges) to shoot into the lead, and win.

[Chris Rivers]

Gremlins vs. Neverborn

First activation of the game the gremlin player activates Rami and Recklesses for the xtra AP.  He hits the Mature Nephilim.  Then declares the dumb luck trigger.  He then flips a red joker on damage, 10 damage, killing the Nephilim since I forgot it had armor(one of my first games).  However, the dumb luck half damage kills Rami also.

[J4bberw0ck]

Outcasts vs. Arcanists

 

I brought Tara against my opponent's Marcus. Since it was my first time playing against him, I forgot he can turn my models against me, and Beast Bombed the Nothing Beast into him. I whiffed the attacks, Marcus activated and took control of TNB. TNB turns right around and charges Tara, getting the trigger to bury her (which I promptly fail to resist). Tara spends the next 2 turns buried as we both flail ineffectively at each other.

[-Loki-]

Had a game against my brother with So'mer vs the Viks.

Viktoria of Blood had moved up the centre to where the throng of Bayou Gremlins had been busy breeding. She took a few rifle rounds coming in, charges in, Whirlwinds, and kills a few of them. Next activation, a Bayou lays her out with a red joker'd damage banjo smash.