A Thoroughly Silly Encounter (And Picnic!)

[Tuesday]

Allow me to preface this by saying that at work today, Jonas Albrecht just went and wrote a little paragraph on some notebook paper and tossed it onto my desk. And thus it began. His sections are bolded, mine in italics.

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C. Hoffman spies one of the legendary 'F___ing Magnets', somewhere in the vast reaches of the Quarantine Zone. He spurs his Peacekeeper, Jailbot, forward. Suddenly, a manhole cover blows into the air, and out climbs a cloaked figure....

It is Colette Du Bois! And she is holding a mechanical dove! The slightly cross-eyed construct coos and takes off, circling above. "So! Imagine seeing you here, Mr. Hoffman. How are things?" Cassandra appears behind her, watching the other crew with a hand on her saber.

"Arcanists!" cries C. "The very villains that, some crazy how, fried my brother's brain, thereby giving me awesome powers!" He leveled a serious look. "They are my sworn-est of foes."

Colette frowns, glancing to Cassandra. "How does he know we--"

"Who cares! Aaaah!" Cassandra cries out, charging the woefully-bald Guildsman. A Mannequin runs after her, carrying a wooden chair and a bottle of gasoline.

"Wait! My love!" Colette shouts. ..But to whom?

"British growl!" shouts Hoff, and commands the Peacekeeper to fire its harpoon at Cassandra. Her nimble dancer's grace allows her to dodge the clumsy device, but her Mannequin is not so lucky....

Taking it square in the chest, the Mannequin is reeled in by the harpoon, flailing and trying apparently to Bash the Peacekeeper into letting it go.

Colette gasps as if she were the one struck by the cruel implement, and without thinking teleports a nearby Performer into the Mannequin's place.

"M-miss Du Bois... why...?" Blood is everywhere.

"For the cause, Iris. For the cause." A single tear rolls down the master magician's cheek. But her Mannequin has survived. Her heart will mend.

The Peacekeeper growls, and tries to pull the skewered showgirl from its harpoon with no success, eventually just tossing the chain over its shoulder. Meanwhile, the Guardian locks swords with Cassandra. They have an awesome swordfight.

Which Cassandra wins, because she does. Looking down at the ruined construct before her, she catches her breath, feeling the delicious surge of energy that only destruction can bring her. If it were blood pooling on the ground, she would paint her face in it. As it is, she turns to C. Hoffman, eyes burning with rage and bloodlust.

Meanwhile, Colette pursues her own dual objectives of finding the Magnet and keeping herself alive, dragging with her a cadre of slightly nervous-looking Performers.

Still trying to understand what he's just seen, C-Man whistles for his mobile toolkit, 'Special Wallace', who trundles over to the Guardian and begins repairing it. Up on a rooftop, a shadowy machine moves all shadowy. Spotting its main objective, Colette, it pounces!

Colette sees it and has just enough time to shove a Performer into her place, yelling "sorry" as the girl turns to face the attacker and Colette runs for the nearby Magnets.

Cassandra reaches C. and swings her saber with a battle cry, slashing it toward him with absolutely no regard for his disability. Her injured Mannequin finally regains awareness and sprints toward her, compelled by its link.

Jailbot intercedes, and for his trouble loses an arm to the brutal assault. As her furious barrage of attacks continues, the Hunter clambers after Colette, bowling over the disoriented Showgirls.

Iris's body still dangles limply from Jailbot's harpoon, inspiring nobody but Cassandra to f___ with the construct today. She takes another swipe at it, cartwheeling past to attack from behind. Colette, meanwhile, is sprinting away from the Hunter, throwing Soulstone shards over her shoulder and exploding them like ridiculously expensive party poppers. Because she can do that.

Hoffman desperately tries to hold off the slashy advances of the celebrity. For a moment, it seems as if nothing can stop her, when a nearby steamclock steamcimes steam six o'clock. "Time for our mandatory union break!" Hoffman yells to Colette.

Colette and the hunter both freeze, as Colette pulls out and checks her own steampocketsteamwatch. "Oh, so it is. Excellent!" A Mannequin surfaces from the manhole carrying a large picnic basket, while the Coryphee start to spread a blanket over some nearby rubble.

Cassandra seems peeved by the interruption, kicking a rock in a minor snit as she makes her way back to the group.

"Cassy!" Colette calls. "Be nice to our guest! ...He tips," she adds under her breath.

Cassandra sighs like a grounded teenager, then turns to C. Hoffman. "Would you like to join us? We brought like a ton of food. And Iris is dead."

"It would be my pleasure," says C. Hoffman. The Peacekeeper gently places him on the blanket, before tying a bib around his neck. Special Wallace comes over, and chews up his food into a paste before squeezing it into a bowl.

"They... really like assisting me."

"Evidently." Colette blinks, spooning out potato salad to a Mannequin, then nibbles on a tiny sandwich cut into the shape of a flower.

The Performers eye C. from afar, one stopping her giggling and eyelash-batting to speak up. "So, you control constructs right? ... That is so cool."

"Delia, don't be a ho." Cassandra says, chewing her sandwich angrily.

The Mannequins and Coryphee form their own group nearby, trying and failing to have a proper English tea experience due to a lack of mouths. If they could weep, the tears would flow freely, mixing with the tea stains on their dresses.

"Why, yes... Delia, was it? I do control machines..." He squints. "..With my mind." He gestures to a Dove, causing it to fly over to Special Wallace the Toolkit, and the two of them engage in a comical waltz. The Dove leads.

The showgirls let loose a chorus of "Awwww."

Cassandra looks at Colette. "May I borrow a Soulstone?"

"Sure! You know I have, like, a million." Colette tosses her one, from a giant sack.

"Thanks." Cassandra catches it and explodes the dove.

Colette screams (far more than she did about the death of Iris). "What have you DONE!" She flips the blanket, somehow.

C. Hoffman levels a severe frowny face at Cassandra. "Dude, not cool." And adds, "Me and my Ro-Bros are outta here." The Bros assemble behind Hoff and ferry him away, looking all stern and arms folded. "Hold on." He returns to the picnic and takes the magnet, slowly dragging the heavy item back to Jailbot. It takes so long. Upon loading the arcane device, they resume their exit.

Colette is too inconsolable to notice as they take the magnet, rolling on the ground weeping and clawing at her eyes at the loss of her Dove. Cassandra returns to eating her sandwich, dismissing Hoffman and his RoboPosse. "Whatever, you don't know me. You don't know me!"

Delia watches as the magnet is taken, biting her lip in melodramatic conflict. Finally she stands, music swelling in the background as calls out to the man she's just realized is her one true love. "WAIT!" She runs after them, stopping to reach out to C. Hoffman. "Take me with you!"

"Ho!" shouts Cassandra.

"...Bros?" C. Hoffman asks. The constructs nod their approval. "Alright, you're in. You're cool. You got a robot. You're cool. Pretty cool. ..Cool." C. Hoffman takes the Mannequin by the hand and smirks. "Hey, Cassandra!" he shouts. "You're bad at acting." There's a flash, and suddenly his clothes become awesome. Way too awesome to attack.

Delia's Mannequin, tagging along, gleefully takes Hoffman's hand. Delia herself bursts into tears of joy. The Mannequin offers her a hankie.

"Oh yeah?" Cassandra stands up. "Come over here and say that to my AH YOUR CLOTHES, SO BEAUTIFUL." The reaction is instantaneous. Colette stops crying and looks up in awe, Cassandra gapes dumbly, Delia drops to her knees and clings to one newly fabulous pant leg. Only the Coryphee are unimpressed, themselves being already too awesome to pay much attention to this upstart.

And then the Mannequin explodes, for it had drawn a Tome.

"Circle of life!" Yells Hoff. Jailbot, despite not having wheels, squeals and zooms off. Special Wallace, now with exploded Dove parts affixed to him, trundles off after the cadre. Iris bounces up and down across the cobblestone.

Delia takes off running after her new Bros, flailing and hoping they didn't forget her. They probably did.

Now broken out of the trance, Colette stands up, surveying the damage. "Welp... magnet's gone." She dusts off her bustier, adjusting her hat. "Ramos is going to be ticked."

"Eh, no more than usual." Cassandra pulls out and lights a cigarette, puts it in her mouth, then takes it out and flicks it into a pile of debris. "Let's go home, dear."

"Let's!" Colette smiles, linking arms with Cassandra and skipping back to the sewer passage.

...The end.

[Sholto]

There's a flash, and suddenly his clothes become awesome. Way too awesome to attack.

I loved the whole thing, but this made me snort tea out my nose. And I was drinking coffee!

Brilliant - an overload of awesome, here. Please do another one.

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I'm waiting:)

[Jonas Albrecht]

As long as we work together at a very dull job, there will be more.

[Sholto]

As long as we work together at a very dull job, there will be more.

Snap - that's where all my stories come from

[Chucklemonkey]

I enjoyed it thoroughly and would follow a thread of similar format. Hint hint.

[Justin]

Ha! That was awesome.