ScrewedUpDice Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 (edited) Icebound Matthias felt the Soulstone clenched in his fist splinter as he drew the last of the power from it. He hurled the fragments at his pursuers in rage as the spell fizzled. One of the creatures let out a squeaking yelp as a chunk of the 'Stone struck its forehead, black blood trickling from beside one of its miniature horns. Matthias backed away as the Neverborn closed in. More than a dozen Tots hemmed him in, a recently transformed Young looming over them, the blood of Matthias's companions dripping from its maw. The pack stalked forward over the corpses of Nephilim and human alike, preparing to savour their last kill, red eyes never leaving their prey. With his Soulstone destroyed, Matthias drew upon his own reserves. The breath of the Nephilim began to mist the air, vapour billowing out from between jagged fangs. Matthias's lips and fingers took on a blueish hue, only the faintest wisps of breath coiling from his mouth. He cast an arm out towards the Neverborn, ice crystals forming in the air, sweeping over the Nephilim on a razor-edged wind. The Tots cowered before the blast, but the Young sheltered itself with its leathery wings. Matthias fled into the woods, hoping he'd bought himself enough time. Behind him the Tots gave voice and chase. The Young took three strides on its bestial legs and launched itself into the air. # Branches lashed Matthias's face and tore at his clothes as he ran, leaping fallen trunks and weaving between trees. Behind him the sound of the Tots’ pursuit faded away, but above he could hear the beat of the Young's wings as it doggedly tracked him. The trees opened out a little ahead. Matthias readied himself. The noise of wings ceased abruptly, replaced by the sound of breaking branches as the Young dropped through the meagre gap in the canopy, falling towards its fleeing prey. Matthias turned, throwing his arm up protectively, as the monster plummeted towards him. Ice formed along his forearm, a frozen shield coalescing from out of the air, growing rapidly. The Young had no time to react, and the impact sent both of them tumbling. Man and beast scrambled to their feet, the Young's breath coming in great huffing billows, the earth around Matthias whitened by hoarfrost. Matthias stood his ground as the creature charged through the trees, swinging the shield up to block the Nephilim's blows, the Young's claws tearing chunks from the sheet. Matthias's fingers turned mottled red then bloodless white as frostbite took hold. The shield thickened, even as the Young's talons sent cracks splintering across it. Matthias reached out with his free hand, fingers locking in a clawing grip on the Young's leg. Where their skin touched frost began to spread, Neverborn flesh turning to ice even as Matthias's own hand began to transmute. His already blue lips darkened, and his ears and nose began to whiten. Frost laced his hair and eyebrows. The Nephilim reared backwards in pain, its leg sundering at the thigh, crashing to the ground. Half-frozen black blood oozed from the wound. Matthias smashed the base of the shield into one of the Young's flailing wings, snapping bone, crippling any chance of pursuit. The lead he'd had over the Tots had been all but lost in the fight. The cries of the wounded Young would only lead them to him. Matthias ran on, fragments of the disintegrating ice shield littering his wake. Pieces of his frozen fingers fell away, unnoticed. # Exhausted, Matthias slumped against the bole of a tree. His extremities had lost all feeling, and he avoided looking at the remains of his fingers. Matthias watched the route he thought his pursuers would take, looking out from behind his cover, head twisted over his shoulder. His only hope now was losing the pursuing Nephilim and finding his way back to the last settlement. He started suddenly, catching movement out of the corner of his eye. His body responded before his brain, trying to flinch away, only for Matthias to find his arm was pinioned. The tree he'd sheltered against had wrapped branch and bough about his right arm, the numb flesh insensible to its creeping advance. Sensing his struggles the ensnaring wood pulled tighter, new shoots busting forth to further entangle him. The bark of the trunk split, peeling back to form a mouth and eyes in the white wood. The tree began to thrash its upper branches together, summoning the Nephilim. Panic overwhelmed Matthias and he began to heave against the binding growth. The madness of any trapped creature came down upon him; the desperate calculation between freedom and self-harm. Ice spread from Matthias's trapped arm, rime coating the grasping sprigs. They cracked and twisted in the cold as the frost crept up the trunk and across the ground around Matthias. The wood froze hard. Feeling something in his bonds give, Matthias pulled, and staggered away from the tree. Shards of his frozen flesh fell in a cascade, shattering on the ground. He looked in horror to where the tree still held his hand and forearm captive, the frozen limb ending in a glistening ruin of ice below the elbow. Broken twigs clung to Matthias's arm, and he cradled the shorn limb with his remaining hand. Over the sound of the tree's drumming branches he could hear the squeals of the Tots as they converged on him. He picked a direction and ran. # When the Tots reached the tree the hand had already begun to melt, water dripping from fingers turned to ice. # The ground began to fall away. Matthias picked up speed, but it wasn't enough. The Tot's were pacing him, appearing as occasional flashes of purple amid the dark trunks on either side, herding him. The forest suddenly opened into a clearing. The slope ended in a wide bowl, the far side backed with a sheer cliff face; Matthias could not have climbed it even with both arms. The human turned, at bay. The Neverborn emerged from the tree line, the stumps of their vestigial wings twitching with excitement. Matthias watched them come, gathering himself for one last spell. The temperature drop was so sharp that the Nephilim's flesh steamed. Frost flashed across the clearing, carpeting the ground white. The air filled with ice crystals. The Tots’ hands froze to the handles of their metal claws. Cold reached into them from the ground beneath their hooves. Cold reached into them from the air against their skin. Cold reached inside them with the breath in their lungs. And everything the cold touched, the cold froze. Blood turned to slush in their veins. Red eyes were hazed with frost, as the humours cooled. The blackened metal of their claws snapped. The cold cut them to the bone without breaking their flesh. # Rasputina stood in the centre of the frigid clearing, Acolytes standing silent guard amid the frozen forms of the Terror Tots. Ramos had mentioned the site in passing, and she'd be intrigued enough to investigate for herself. Pre-dating her arrival in Malifaux, the frozen tableau had remained undisturbed but for one trapper who’d stumbled across the site one summer, losing two fingers and some of his mind to the cold there. Tales of Neverborn carved out of solid ice had spread. Neverborn and something else. The man's face was serene, a look at odds with him maimed hand and arm. The Tots were empty shells, ice all the way through. He was different though; Rasputina could sense the bitter remains of life trapped within the frozen form. The Ice Witch reached out with ungloved fingers and began to work. Word Count 1304 Ingredients Theme : The Decent Character : The Iceman Edited December 24, 2013 by ScrewedUpDice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hateful Darkblack Posted December 17, 2013 Report Share Posted December 17, 2013 Fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edonil Posted January 9, 2014 Report Share Posted January 9, 2014 That was awesome. I don't think I can come up with a better way to put it. Just a wonderfully done piece. Not sure that I could pull off a dialogue-less piece as well as you just did! I loved the gruesome cost you gave to his magic, and the twist to the ending was brilliant. Your descriptions were nice and clear, without straying too far to either extreme of beige or purple. A couple things for you to look at: Try to find other descriptors for your main character besides name and pronoun. It can be a real bastard, I know, lol. I just finished up a piece where I had an 'it' as a character, but it'll help break up some of the repetition you have in the first few paragraphs. 'Behind him the Tots gave voice and chase.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScrewedUpDice Posted January 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Thanks for the feedback Edonil. All fair criticisms. Really going to have to go the other way next time, by putting in lot of dialogue, and doing something other than straight action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edonil Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 It's hard. I'm trying to do something other than straight action, and it's a completely different way to think of conflict and tension. Looking forward to seeing you do it, let me know if you find any resources, will you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScrewedUpDice Posted January 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Stepping away from action is hard in this setting. Certainly it's what my mind is drawn to first when thinking up ideas. The more subtle personal conflicts don't jump out without having thought about characters for a little bit, and I get to digging down into what they want, and what's in their way. I always find tension comes later, as a matter of arrangement and pacing, on a broad scale, and in the small scale, with the stakes at risk in a scene, if things have been foreshadowed well. Intimate what might happen, and let the reader fear it. Talking of resources, I owe you a debt of thanks for the link to Writing Excuses. Very useful stuff in there. In return, take a look at: Terrible Minds If you don't mind the swearing there's a lot of useful stuff there. The best place to start might be the 2013 recap post F Yeah Character Development Broad spectrum writing advice in response to specific questions. Veers between informative and useless depending on what gets asked Write World See above, but with more internal structure, like writing prompts and word of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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