UberGruber

Yes. There should be at least one (and I would argue in fact at least three) Resurrectionist master for whom Molly is an obviously better choice than von Schill in most circumstances. If that's not true then whilst the problem may not be game balance, but certainly would be a problem of 'faction flavour'.

I'd certainly prefer that.

I think the point is that in an ideal world not only would every faction be balanced but also (to maximise choice within one's chosen faction) every master, henchman and minion would be balanced for their points and synergies. Clearly that's impossible to achieve given the number of model choices in the game and the number of special rules each model has. Nobody is seriously going to demand that sort of 'true balance' be achieved. However I think it's the 'choice within faction' that's the key issue for people here. If your faction has 5 masters and any one of those five is as good as the other (assuming the Strategy and opposing faction are good matches for your chosen master and you choose appropriate schemes), then there's no problem. The real problem occurs where you have one or two masters within a faction who are simply better at most of the strategies and/or against all opponents than the others are. Because that restricts your real choice (unless you want to handicap yourself 'for fun'). The other issue, it seems to me, is 'oh other factions can use 'my' models better than I can'. What ideally you'd want is for any given faction of 5 masters for each to be best suited against a particular opposing faction and in fact for there to be relatively little cross-faction use of minions except with the sort of 'premium' that mercenaries come with because that would help maintain balance (tweaking a minion specific to one faction will not have the impact that tweaking a minion available at the same cost to 3 factions might. But as the game seems to be an evolving thing and there will doubtless be more factions and more models for eisting factions forthcoming, I think you have to accept that grosser imbalances will occur. And whilst they can and doubtless will be corrected by errata and new rules editions, it's worth bearing in mind that the more that sort of thing happens, the more unwieldy the game gets. Look at how 40K is routinely castigated for lack of balance, poor rules writing and has generated a mass of FAQ. Relative merits of the two games aside, it's the case that Malifaux already has far more complex interplay of units and special rules than 40K does. If there comes a period where nothing much new is added to the mix then rules can be adjusted to give better balance. But each new release will almost inevitably upset existing the balance of any game. I think it's something that can certainly be commented on, but it's an inevitable side effect of the way the game's expanding.

Sure, like you I don't quite see what purpose assigning numerical values has in this instance given that your 3 may well be my 5 and, more importantly, where the purpose is to give the author useful feedback. Merely choosing one's personal 4 favourites and ranking them is straightforward (and the subjectivity is natural to the process) is an excellent way of helping determine the winner of the competition round, but I'm very uncertain that there's much merit to assigning a subjective numerical value to broad categories for the purposes of feedback where such scoring can, as you say, surely do nothing other than give an immediate positive or negative effect.

I'm increasingly uncomfortable with this bit of the procedure I'm afraid, that is to say assigning numbers to each part and, to a lesser degree, the (to me) rather broad categories. What is the difference between Creativity and Technical Skill when it comes to constructing a plot, for instance? Were the scores part of the judging (ie they played a part in determining the winner rather than just for feedback) then I'd still be slightly uncomfortable, but it would, to me, give them some meaning. As it is though, while I'm more than happy to give comments, even with my reservations about the four categories), I'm reluctant to assign a value to something that I can't define to my own satisfaction. If other people are happy enough with the scores, then please just disregard this (but expect universal 5s from me, though the accompanying comments will reflect my thoughts as best as I can express them). Let me emphasise, I've no problem with choosing and ranking my four favourite stories out of the submissions (ie the 'proper' scoring that will determine the winner), and I'm more than happy to give feedback to every author who submits. I'm just not happy with the 0-5 marking for feedback.

I actually thought it pretty strong as is. Especially there being no big fight due to him not having listened to his parents (I love a story with a moral for children . . .)

And the Lilith scene, which was one of the stronger ones anyway in my view: "Stand up human." "I... have... a name..." "Stand up, Marius Fitzroy." "Marius Fitzroy the Second... actually." Marius pulled himself to his feet and met the woman's demonic gaze. She cackled at his growing defiance. "You think you can best me, Fitzroy... the Second? Your ancestor was quite the swordsman." Marius caught the sword she flung at him. He was in no condition to fight and no swordsman; in his quest for freedom he had neglected the things his father had pushed him to do. The irony was bittersweet. "Footwork Marius, footwork! Left swing, right uppercut, footwork, dammit! Block! I said block! You're dead! You're bloody dead Marius; he stabbed you in the bloody chest! Learn from your mistakes!" She stabbed him in the bloody chest. He fell like a leaf: a slow, twisting descent to the cold stone floor. Blood formed in his mouth, the tang of copper making it hard to form words. "I was always.. King. This land is... my... birthright." "You know nothing of eternity. This is not your kingdom. Join your ancestors amongst the worms." His vision faded, then all memory of his family tree.

My take on editing the sewers scene (there is actually the possibility of just cutting this scene altogether, I think, unless it has some wider significance beyond my puny ken): "Why're we still in these stinking sewers?" "Will you give me peace!" "We're lost! Cicero's led us in bloody circles!" "Mr Dwight, there is a far greater science to navigation than I dare say your mind is capable of." "Y'hear that Findlay? The Doc' s'poses my mental capacity isnae up tae scratch. Well in that case I'll be sure to relinquish my toolbox to his infinite smart arsery next time Caerwyn and Gaerwyn need fixin' up!" "For the last time, Mr Dwight, I am not a Doctor, I am a historian!" "That's enough. Dwight, stop badgering the Doc'. Cicero, just get us wherever the hell we meant to be." Findlay Whittaker turned to their silent companion. Marius hadn't said anything for an hour and even then he had been reluctant to say anything of substance. "Hey boss, you ok?" Marius was fidgeting with his wedding ring, but managed a polite nod. "Fine, thank you." "Just ignore those two, they don't mix well." "Can I ask what your role is in this expedition?" The gentle giant chuckled at the politeness that was uncharacteristic in the people he often dealt with. "Me? It's my job to make sure that everyone's doing their job and that these two don't strangle each other." Marius let out a snigger. "There you go, it's not all doom and gloom." "But bad things do happen, right?" "Oh sure!" Findlay roared with laughter, much to Marius' discomfort. "That's how you know something's worth doing."

right... the suggested alternative to the Ramos section is in fact here: Edgar Ramos led the way past broad, indistinguishable men engrossed in various forms of manual labour around massive cogs and drills that kicked up dry dust under the sweltering sun. Marius had thought his capacity for wonder had waned after his first trip to Malifaux, but the scale of the Doctor's operation was extraordinary. "Might I inquire what is involved? This way your majesty." "Not your majesty, Doctor, I'm just a normal citizen now." Ramos met the clarification with polite apathy, "But yes, the job. My greatest desire out here in this strange new land is to defy my disapproving forebears by achieving that which they could only dream of, the secrets of the New World!" "I had understood you merely wished to map out some of the sewers under the city." "Oh but beyond the sewers, deep below the city, are the labyrinthine catacombs that hold the true history of Malifaux; and unfathomable treasures, if rumour is to be believed. An unexplored territory, right under people's feet! My intention is to lead an expedition to shed some light on what could be a whole other world." "Here's my office, please." Ramos opened the door and followed Marius into a room littered with the parts and tools of his trade. Ramos gestured Marius take a seat and after sorting through some papers, eased himself behind his desk. "How many personnel do you require to carry out this . . . expedition?" "I leave that to your judgement." "I thought you might." Ramos nimbly readjusted his tone, "I'm sure that will be no problem. Though, to be forward, there is the subject of payment also." "I've already invested heavily, but I'm prepared to go all the way to meet any further . . . commitments. Also you will share the rewards."Ramos nodded and said between sipping his tea: "And the Guild's involvement?" "Well . . . they haven't been quite as forthcoming as I had hoped. I dare say I have a bad reputation with the Governor since my abdication." Marius fidgeted with the gold band on his finger. "I'm afraid we won't be able to rely on any aid from them." Ramos smiled courteously and stood up. "Then we best make haste while the wheel yet turns." Sorry about the confusion. Those responsible have been shot. I loved The Wire until the silly serial killer storyline in series 5. i couldn't watch that beyond about the fourth episode. Series I-III though were magnificent, and series IV only a little short of the previosu standard. I'll take a look at the other scenes you mention.

Crap. Cut and pasted the wrong one. Stand by...

I had rather assumed that Gina was the cause of his downfall but I did like that it was sort of ambiguous in the end. I think that worked because the actual ending chronologically is very definite and so provides the necessary 'proper conclusion'. I think the film-script style can work, though it did seem to me to be rather too much a contrast with the early scenes in some ways. In fact I think it could work much as you have it but perhaps with the dialogue extended slightly (yes, yes, I know, I go on and on about trimming dialogue but then say you should add more to it . . .). Basically i think the dialogue only scenes need to be carried by the dialogue alone. The second one manages that, the first one not quite so much. The 'dialogue-introductions' on the other hand need to come to the point quickly without much hemming and hawing, I think. By the way, if it's of any use to you, here's how I'd trim the Ramos encounter: "Might I inquire what the job is again? This way your majesty." Edgar Ramos led the way past massive cogs and drills that kicked up dry dust under the sweltering gaze of the sun. Broad and indistinguishable men were engrossed in various forms of manual labour while the Union leader led Marius to his office. Marius had thought his capacity for wonder had waned after his first trip to Malifaux, but the scale of the Doctor's operation out here was extraordinary. "The job, sir." Ramos probed again. "Apologies, it's not your majesty though Doctor, I'm just a normal citizen now." Ramos met the clarification with polite apathy, "But yes, the job. My greatest desire out here in this strange new land is to defy my disapproving forebears by achieving that which they could only dream of, the secrets of the New World!" "I don't quite follow, I heard you wished to map out some of the sewers under the city. This way." "Uh, yes, that's true, but beyond the sewers, deep below the city streets is the labyrinthine catacombs that hold the truth behind the history of Malifaux as well as unfathomable treasures, if rumour is to be believed of course." "Quite." "Indeed, but it is as of yet unexplored territory, right under people's feet! My intention is to lead an expedition to see if we can't shed some light on what could be a whole other world." "Here's my office, please." Ramos opened the door and followed Marius inside. After escalating up a flight of stairs they reached his office, littered with the parts and tools of his trade. Ramos gestured Marius take a seat and after sorting through some papers finally eased himself behind his desk. "How many personnel do you require to carry out this... expedition?" "I leave that to your inference." "I thought you might." Ramos nimbly readjusted his tone, "I'm sure that will be no problem. Though I hope you'll allow me to be forward, there is the subject of payment also." "Well I've already invested heavily, but I'm prepared to go all the way to meet any further... commitments. Also you will share the rewards."Ramos nodded and slipped in some chosen words between sipping his tea. "What is the Guild's involvement in all this?" "Well... if I'm honest they haven't been quite as forthcoming and I dare say I have a bad reputation with the Governor since my recent abdication." Marius fidgeted with the gold band on his finger. "I'm afraid you won't be able to rely on much aid from them." Ramos smiled courteously and stood with affirmed resolution. "Then we best make haste while the wheel yet turns." (392 words as opposed to 448). here I would like the saved words to go into greater detail on Ramos' machines and works, especially Marius' perspective on them. it seems to me this is an opportunity for contrasting his feel for nature with his views on machines. If you like, and time permitting, I'm happy to give suggested tweaking on all the dialogue sections but I would certainly not say you should take them as more than ideas. To be honest, given you wrote this overnight, it's pretty amazing, but possibly a bit ambitious for a single-stint effort in terms of what you're packing in. Also, I assume there are references to both The Wire ('The king stay the king' was somehow very memorable from that show, though I liked what followed shortly after in the conversation 'unless they be some smart prawns') and Serenity ( eg shiny) in this. I like that sort of thing a lot. Oh and I liked the willow as it's meant to be a tree for lovers and it shedding leaves could be seen as a sort of foretelling of impending doom, Gina-brought.

For the next section (VI) I want to take the slightly extraordinary step of giving a trimmed version of the whole thing. Essentially I have cut many redundant conversational words and expressions whilst, I hope, maintaining Panda's vocabulary and intended style. This isn't to be prescriptive about method but to offer the opinion that dialogue is often not necessarily best rendered on paper as it would be heard in speech and that a saving of a few dozen words may not merely allow greater room for expression elsewhere but perhaps also improve pacing: "Is this in your best interests? In Miss Blake's best interests? In the best interests of your people, dammit?". "I have to follow the legacy of my heart." "Bullshi -- Please think this over: I don't think you're quite aware of the consequences." Marius sipped hot tea, gaze fixed on the balcony door, its glass frosted with the season's dressing. He reluctantly returned his attention to his impatient advisor. "Mr Duggan, you know that my great, great grandfather came to Malifaux during the First Breach?" "Of course; his disappearance was a tragedy." "Did I tell you about how my Grandfather lost a limb in the Second Soulstone War?" "I am aware that a Practitioner froze his leg solid and he was forced to amputate shortly before it defrosted . . . grisly stuff." "Quite." Marius dissolved an extra sugar cube in his tea. "Has my father ever recounted to you, Mr Duggan, what feats he accomplished in Malifaux since retiring here?" "Yes, yes, now please, your majesty, see reason. I know you've lived a life of solitude and you've found what feels like the real deal. I'm happy for you. But look at the legacy you're turning your back on. Your forefathers accomplished those feats so their sons might follow in their footsteps. Are you to just give that up? Make that all for nothing? What do you hope to achieve?" Marius pondered the question for a moment. His stoic gaze pulled back to the frosted door, branches of ice forming and dissolving as the northerly winds brought fresh snow. "My goal, Mr Duggan, is to fight the wind. We are all tied to the branches of our family tree; all awaiting the time when those branches, or the wind, choose to shake us loose and send us to join our ancestors among the worms." Duggan dips a biscuit but then sets it aside. "Only when I cut down the tree am I free of the wind that binds me to the fallacies of those before me. I am, in a word, reborn; free to achieve my own triumphs, to love who I choose, to live a life of liberty and discovery. To do otherwise would be to drifting with the current, my every choice dictated." "You're not going to budge are you?"Marius laughed. "You're going to have to live with this till the end, you know that?" "Till the end." "The king is always the king though." "I wasn't born the king, Mr Duggan." It was now Duggan's turn to laugh. "Of course you were." For reference, this is 426 words, the original was 511

I like the style and overall tone of the opening very much. In general I'm not a fan of scene-cutting/time switching in short stories, though one of my very favourite novels Use of Weapons uses it to great effect. Here though it seems to work okay . . . at least mostly. . . I loved the start and liked the end but found bits of the middle rather unsatisfactory for a few reasons I touch on more below. On the whole I found the action well done and the more important characters very well done indeed (except for Marius in one scene). The 'bit part' characters seemed sometimes less effective drawn. I enjoyed the story quite a lot though I'm sure I'm missing some of the allusions. I like the sort of alliterating description that you give with lineage of leaves and legacy all rolled together into a single whole and I'd have liked to have seen a bit more of them after the first couple of scenes. General comments on each scene: I: liked this. It's a slow intro but establishes the characters well and as well as contrasting their natures, also has a nice sort of reflective tone. II: Good contrast to the opening. Good times to bad times. Again the characterisation is very good. III: Massive stalling of momentum for me here. The conversation rambles too much and save the odd phrase here and there, the characters seem less surely drawn. IV: The violence of action picks up the lost momentum here. This is much better but somehow feels less than the opening two segments. Perhaps because Marius is alone here and so it relies on him alone to carry it: bar the fight, there's no interplay of characters here. V: I found the script-like opening dialogue rather off-putting. I found I wasn't paying attention to it properly as I was searching for context, which is a shame as it has a lot more crackle to it than, say, the conversation between Ramos and Marius. Were the ramos conversation trimmed, I'd like a little more put in here in terms of scene setting. VI: The dialogue here seemed okay without scene-setting. I felt the meat of this section came in its latter half and I wonder if the first bit might not be condensed a little. VII: Works, surprisingly to me. VIII: Does not, for me at least. I can't see what this does that scene X does not. Perhaps I am dense. IX: Works though I'd omit VIII entirely and have this run onto VII. X: This had real urgency conveyed by the dialogue and the lack of setting actually made it more effective in some ways. XI: Is fine but I'd run it into XII as that seems a direct follow-on XII: Brought things to an (almost) end very nicely. Effective in its relative brevity. XIII: Is also effective. Okay, the following is just for the first four parts as my comments are lengthy and I need a short break before continuing.. There's a few phrasing choices I wasn't too sure about and that I think might save you a word or two here and their by omission or change. 1) reverent gaze. It's actually fair enough as a description, giving a good insight into his state of mind as he views the garden. I just think maybe either omitting 'reverent' or perhaps replacing it with something like 'sympathetic' would mitigate the sense I have that it seems somehow out of place. 2) peaceful manner in which. Could be 'peace with which', though I'm not certain that's better. 3) its rebirth. Could just be 'rebirth', and actually I think would read more in keeping with the rest of the descriptions here were 'its' omitted. 3) ordained. I didn't see how this word fitted here really. 4) of the garden's numerous occupants. Just 'of the garden'? 5) words lifted him from his introspective solitude and wrapped their arms around his torso. Okay, words not having arms this would have to work well enough that there's no questioning by most readers. It bothered me though. I think you could just have '. . . as Gina's arms wrapped around his torso. 6) might be of interest to her capacity for life. I'd have this just as 'might be of interest to her', the last three words adding nothing but mild confusion as to meaning for me. 7) dull garden. Something stronger than 'dull', perhaps? Dying? Wilting? 8) also clad in merely his robe. This seemed irrelevant information to me. 9) courtly kissing. I love this sort of misuse of adverbs (indeed any word) when it works. I didn't find it did so here. I'd either omit 'courtly' or add a few words to make it fit better eg ', in courtly fashion, kissing 10) I was simply getting some. Perhaps 'I needed some' 11) conspirative glance. 'conspirital glance', i think. 12) that chess game. 'the game'. No need to specify it's chess, the following reference to the castle identifies it. 13) last night's swiftly abandoned session. 'last night'. I think we may guess the abandonment from Gina's innuendo 14) charged back. 'charged' seemed a bit strong to me. okay, she's exuberant and full of life. But she's been identified as spring-like earlier so why not 'skipped back' to reinforce the sense of youthful pleasure? 15) Marius painfully regained consciousness. I don't think you need this here. He was opening his eyes in the first segment and here it is again. So perhaps the reader may assume marcus and rather than baldly stating the facts, you could let them realise it's him again in different circumstances as this segment unfolds. 16) instinctually groaned. 'instinctually' seemed to me an adverb to far. Much as I like description, there's enough of it leading to this point that 'instinctually' seemed a bit much. it also seemed not quite the right word either, which may be the trouble. 17) Was the woman's reply. Don't think you need this either. Malifaux setting, Justice is going to clue the reader in and it's obvious who she is very soon after this. Save some more words. 18) composed with voluptuously youthful lips. I'd used 'composed by' or 'framed with' 19) beyond its natural inheritance. You could lose the 'its' here to no loss of clarity. 20) I think you might want to reconsider the use of 'it' in the paragraph as you turn to 'she' in the next 21) reframe. refrain 22) for the first time. You don't need this phrase 23) their formation told him. How about just 'he knew'? 24) a few choice steps. Didn't see any special merit in 'choice' here. 25) What was the whole point of coming to these dark dank depths, of leading those men and women to their deaths. I think you could just use 'What then was the point of leading those men and women to their deaths in these dark dank depths'. As an aside, do you think she uses things like 'dark dank depths' in everyday speech? Maybe she does. But if not you could just end with 'deaths'. 26) to your inference. I think perhaps: 'to your judgement' 27) I though the dialogue between Marius and Ramos needed some work. Neither seemed to quite ring true in this section for some reason, possibly because they way they talk seems rather laboured or perhaps just a little off-key somehow. 28) stood with affirmed resolution. I'd leave this at 'stood'. 'affirmed resolution' seemed an unhappy coupling and Ramos' final words are sufficient. in fact his final words in this segment are brilliant. Much better than most of the preceding dialogue. To be honest, I began to lose interest in this section. The first two sections were great, really interesting and well composed. this section . . . not so much. 29) He struggled with its small but lithe form, it's powerful, petite wings beating against his heaving chest and its taloned arms flailing and clawing to break free. He tightened his embrace which triggered the beast to dig its teeth into his elbow. He gave out a yelp, but stifled the tears that distorted his vision and just held tighter. Consider: 'A struggle: powerful but petite wings beating against his heaving chest, taloned arms flailing and clawing. His embrace tightening, the beast sinking its teeth into his elbow. He yelping, tears distorting his vision, and holding tighter.' 30) He finally let the creature gently slump to the hard ground. Consider; 'At last he released the creature' 31) relinquished his responsibilities in favour of the promise of freedom. Consider: 'relinquished responsibility for the promise of freedom' 32) For some reason I'd prefer 'Lucifer's children' and 'Satan's prison'. No idea why. 33) He struggled, but his trembling legs gave way. Or just: 'His trembling legs gave way'? 34) A bloody arm slammed against the wall, nails grating as he slowly, but defiantly, raised himself to his feet. He was going to make it, whatever it took, he was going to find a way out of this hole and out of the shadow of his forefathers at the same time Consider: 'His bloody arm slammed against the wall; nails grating, slowly, defiantly, he raised himself to his feet. He was going to make it, whatever it took, he was going to find a way out of this hole. Out of my forefathers' shadow. 35) He stumbled back a little way and checked his left behind lamp. Somehow the light had yet to extinguish. The glimmer of hope was met by more roars in the distance. ' Or: 'He stumbled back a little way and found his lamp. The light still glowed: a glimmer of hope?'? 36) Marius Fitzroy the Second picked himself up and set off into the darkness. You established he was on his feet. perhaps: 'Marius Fitzroy the Second set off alone into the dark.'

Sure. There also comes a time when something's just best left alone for a bit. I do think it's caught between two stools at the moment and perhaps coming back to it after a break would allow you to decide how you want to slant it more easily. Then there's the fact that it's going to be hard to please me (who wants an adult-minded Diego, independent of thought but with no free will) and Panda who'd rather Diego's story reflected Derek's situation more directly.

Those models (the Crooligans look hilarious, I think) would be good fits. I've added painted Jez to be the anti-Nancy (Nancy probably derived from Agnes, a name associated with purity, and Jezebel, as you'll recall being somewhat harloty in her biblical portrayal). I'm not so happy with her at the moment but she did give me a chance to refernece Chucklemonkey's spit-hankies.

I would, I think, still have preferred Diego as a 'real' character of independent thought, born, as it were, out of Derek's play but having (though he knows it not) no free will, his actions of course being determined entirely by Derek. Though that said, the spit-wipe bit was so good, I'd be sad to see it go. But then you could use the story to explore (though I don't think stories need do more than spin a decent yarn myself) the idea that Derek is being unconsciously influenced in his play by his slumbering 'sick' father in a similar way to how Derek control's Diego's fate. Of course when Diego is blotted out of existence in the wink of an eye when the real toys become available could be contrasted with his father waking, seeing his son at play waiting, but succumbing instead to his hangover. Then again you could leave it as is and hope the gags are enough to carry it. Though in that case, I'd add more humour and have less 'literariness'.

Yes, I suppose it depends whether you want him to be bestial in nature or demonical. I think you could argue his is a corruption of nature and therefore in a sense demonical, but equally you could give it a pseudo-scientific bent. perhaps then ' . . . roaring like a great cat asting freedom from its cage' or something of that order. By the way, the little I know of the Malifaux background is second-hand picked up from this board, I've not actually read any of the official background stories having only the Rules Manual so any spoilers on my part are purely unitentional and probably coincidental.

Sure. I tend to choose names because I like the sound of them in relation to the character as I envisage them in my head (and sometimes go back and change the name to something that sounds better to me if the character happens to evolve so as to make a change mor epleasing), but I do sometimes like to work in a theme for names, be it referencing a character trait in some way, keeping a sort of familial link (I have another story where there is a Hurst son of Holt, both words having something to do with wood), or, as in the case of the Saffron Hill Gang, some kind of connection to Dickens' characters, be it more (Old Joe, Artless) or less (Stick, 'Sno) obvious. Mind you, even there I couldn't find a suitable doggy alternative to Bill Sikes (so I reference it with Old Joe's 'Sic 'em!' Spell...). I hope to use the SHG as a link between my stories in this competition, so I can expand on them a bit.

I'd just like to add that I don't think McMourning being described as both serpent and demon is stretching things too much. The Old Testament possibly uses serpents as metaphors for 'false gods', who might be termed 'demons', and, more probably, as representing Satan (granted generally regarded as 'the devil' rather than a demon, but demons are, I think, most often associated with devilry anyway.

I think this integrates his dad a bit better and there are some good little jokes got from making Diego more child-like. I have a question though (it's a minor point of consistency really, I shouldn't fret it too much, I just like exploring these avenues of internal consistency). If Diego is a product of Derek's imagination to the extent we see here (not merely brought to life by imagination and with his fate determined by it, but his very thoughts influenced too, why would he think the enemy manoeuvers strange? Had he independence of thought (but no free will) then it would make sense to me. But as his thoughts are now clearly those of the small boy whose creation he is, and given that boy can't play chess, how is it that Diego perplexed by the enemy? Also, when I was younger playing soldiers, as I recollect I tried so far as possible to think in adult terms, so the (amusing) references to spit-wipes and warm milk, etc rang a bit false to me in that respect. The counter to that though is that they are funny. But I do think they weaken the 'reality' of Diego as a character and too obviously tie him to the boy early on, there being sufficient clues without the need for such blatant indication. So I'm a bit torn really. I liked the humour here but found the overall story less satisfying.

A good etymology dictionary helps, I find. This one: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php is not bad for an online reference. I should perhaps clarify that Pandaros is not a name that references pandas in any way save the coincidental spelling as I fear the panda was a stranger to ancient Greece. I just thought the coincidence of letters worth a mention.

Good ideas. As these are sort of Dickensian Oliver Twist 'reflections', I was looking at adding an equivalent for Charley Bates (the only other named child member of the gang as I recall) and Nancy, who I've been thinking of 'anit-names' for and I may have Charley as 'Sno (Charley - cocaine - snow - 'sno as is 'it's no fair') who could fill the roll of Runt and Nancy (who I'm still thinking up a suitably tenuous name for) as the support. though Old Joe does have 'Hair o' the Dog' that gives the Nip o' Gin effect to others. I may actually go so far as to make up this gang from suitable models and play it myself, time and inclination permitting. But I'm very pleased you liked them. Thanks again.

Did you overlook the bit where I said to pretend I never mentioned it?

Thanks. I was using Waif as a term like 'Woe' to define a group (because Old Joe will have a spell that affects his gang members, so they need a group name) but it strikes me that it's already in use. perhaps I'll use Ragamuffin instead... And I adjusted the Severe Dg for Slingshot to 3, thanks. I was aiming for about 3 SS, so I'll knock his casting to 3.

Strictly for my own amusement, I've begun to create some stats for the characters I created in a story I wrote which can be found here: Morning After. Being relatively new to Malifaux, I'd greatly appreciate any suggestions as to appropriate costs in Soulstones for the models and also if any suits might be more appropriate for Triggers and spells. Also whether the CC costs for spells seem okay and any other comments. The Saffron Hill Gang are youthful pickpockets and rascals who have their lair in the slums of Malifaux: Old Joe (Master): the adult leader of the gang who rules them with a (literal) rod of iron (his 'bat') and keeps them sweet with a plentiful supply of gin. Painted Jez: Old Joe's moll. She is somewhat more protective of her charges. Gripper (Unique): Old Joe's faithful hound. Artless (unique): a pickpocket Stick (unique): a pickpocket Ragamuffins: have only stones to break your bones, along with a few choice words. Old Joe Master, Unique, 0SS Cache Wk/Cg 4/6 Ht 2 Wp 6 Ca 5 Df 5 Wd 10 Bat Rg 2 Cb 6 Dg 2/4/5 Blunderbuss Rg 10 Cb 4 Dg 2/3:blast/6:blast Companion (Gripper), Hard to Kill, Ruthless, Slow to Die, Use Soulstones Cb (:rams) Brutal Bat: Df (:masks) Better You than Me: Push a friendly model within 2" into base contact with this model. The Pushed model will suffer any damage from the Strike (2) Flurry (1)Hair o' the Dog A selected model within 2" may make a Healing Flip and receive Slow (2) "Get Movin'!":(CC:12 :crows/Rst: -/Rg: 6" ) Push all friendly Ragamuffin within range up to 4" (0) "Heel!": (CC: 10 :crows /Rst: - /Rg: 12") Push a friendly Gripper within range into base contact with this model. (1) "Sic 'im!" (CC: 14 Tome /Rst: - /Rg: 6") A friendly Gripper within range may be Pushed up to 6" towards an enemy model and gains Terrifying -> 12 until the next Start Close Phase ---------------- Painted Jez Cost - 6SS Unique Wk/Cg 4/6 Ht 2 Wp 6 Ca 6 Df 4 Wd 6 Stiletto Rg 1 Cb 5 Dg 1/2/4 Derringer Rg 6 Cb 5 Dg 1/2/4 Slow to Die Cb (:rams) Critical Strike Stiletto: (1) Nip o' Gin: May Make a Healing Flip and receive Slow (0) Spit-Wipe: A Ragamuffin model in base contact becomes Harmless and is Pushed 4" away from this model (1) Kiss it Better: A Ragamuffin in base contact may make a Healing Flip and is Pushed 4" directly away from this model (1) Flash o' Ankle: (CC: 14 :masks /Rst: Wp /Rg: 12") Target must perform aWP -- WP Duel. If the Target model loses the Duel, the model is Pushed its Wk towards the caster and the controlling player must discard a Control Card (1)Hell Hath No Fury (CC 14 :masks /Rst: - /Rg: C) This model receives Terrifying -> 12 and all Stiletto Strikes receive to attack Flips and Dg Flips (1) Under My Skirts: (CC: 12 :masks /Rst: - /Rg: 4") Push a Ragamuffin within range into base contact with this model. The Pushed model may not be targeted by the enemy as long as it remains in base contact with this model ---------------- Gripper Cost - 6SS Unique Wk/Cg 6/10 Ht 1 Wp 6 Ca 4 Df 5 Wd 6 Bite Rg 1 Cb 5 Dg 2/3/5 Companion (Old Joe), Ruthless Cb (:tomes) Brutal Bite: (2) Flurry (1) The Howling: (CC: 12 :crows /Rst: Wp /Rg: 12") Target model losing the Duel receives Paralysed ---------------- Artless Cost - 5SS Ragamuffin, Unique Wk/Cg 4/- Ht 1 Wp 5 Ca 4 Df 6 Wd 5 Knuckleduster Rg 1 Cb 4 Dg 1/2/3 Companion (Stick), Hard to Kill, Harmless, Nimble, Scout Cb (:rams) Sucker Punch: When damaging defender with a Knuckleduster Strike, defender receives Paralysed Df (:masks) "Scarper!": If damaged by a melee Strike, Push this model up to 4" away from the model that inflicted the damage. (1) "Wasn't Me, Mister": Regain Harmless (1) Nip o' Gin: May Make a Healing Flip and receive Slow (2) Got to Pick a Pocket or Two: Target model within 2" performs aWP -- WP Duel. If the Target model loses the Duel, the controlling player must discard a Control Card. (1) Leg It! (CC:12 :crows/Rst: -/Rg: C) Push this model up to 8" away from the nearest enemy model within LoS (1) Butter Wouldn't Melt: (CC:12 :masks/Rst: -/Rg: C)Terrifying and Ruthless models must make the Wp -- 12 Duel to overcome the effects of Harmless if currently applying to this model. Other models receive a negative modifier to their Flip ---------------- Stick Cost - 4SS Ragamuffin, Unique Wk/Cg 4/- Ht 1 Wp 5 Ca 4 Df 6 Wd 5 Kitchen Knife Rg 1 Cb 4 Dg 1/2/3 Companion (Artless), Hard to Kill, Harmless, Nimble, Scout Df (:masks) "Scarper!": If damaged by a melee Strike, Push this model up to 4" away from the model that inflicted the damage. (1) "Wasn't Me, Mister": Regain Harmless (2) Got to Pick a Pocket or Two: Target model within 2" performs aWP -- WP Duel. If the Target model loses the Duel, the controlling player must discard a Control Card. (0) Time to Twist (CC:10 :masks/Rst: -/Rg: C) Push this model up to 4" ---------------- 'Sno Cost - 2SS Companion (old Joe), Insignificant, Ragamuffin, Totem (Old Joe) Wk/Cg 4/- Ht 1 Wp 4 Ca 3 Df 3 Wd 4 Slingshot Rg 8 Cb 3 Dg 1/2/3 Harmless, Nimble Df (:masks) "Scarper!": If damaged by a melee Strike, Push this model up to 4" away from the model that inflicted the damage. (1) "Wasn't Me, Mister": Regain Harmless (1) Magical Extension (CC: */Rst: */Rg: *) This spell may be cast only once per activation. Cast one of Old Joe's Spells. During this casting the model may use a Soulstone to change its starting total ---------------- Ragamuffin Cost - 3SS Ragamuffin Wk/Cg 4/- Ht 1 Wp 4 Ca 3 Df 5 Wd 4 Slingshot Rg 8 Cb 4 Dg 1/2/3 Harmless, Nimble, Scout Df (:masks) "Scarper!": If damaged by a melee Strike, Push this model up to 4" away from the model that inflicted the damage. Cb(:rams) "Bullseye!": When damaging a defender with a Slingshot Strike, defender suffers +1 Dg and Slow (1) "Wasn't Me, Mister": Regain Harmless (2) Sticks 'n' Stones: May make 3 Slingshot Strikes at -1 to Cb. Each Strike may have a different Target (1) Givin' Some Cheek (CC:10 :tomes/Rst: Wp/Rg: 12") Target failing the Resist Duel is Pushed up to their Wk towards this model