Iron Quill: When You're a Professional Pirate... [Away boarders!]

[mephiston]

“Whoa!” Sebastian pulled hard on the reigns, the horse’s shoes sparking on the wet cobbles. The cart blocking the lane had loomed suddenly out of the fog, his lamp barely piercing the gloom. He peered into the broiling mist, who on earth had turned over a cart out here?

Lights appeared beside it, a gang of men sprang over the barricade, heading towards Sebastian, drawing weapons as they approached.

“Why have we stopped?” The voice from within the covered load bed was both annoyed and menacing, bad news for someone.

“We appear about to hijacked Master.” Sebastian said. The group was nearly up to him now and he wasn’t really sure he believed what the combined power of both groups’ lamps has revealed.

“How vexing, be a good chap and stall them whilst I make a suitable response.” The cart rocked slightly as the hidden occupant began to move about within.

“Yes Master.” Sebastian held tightly onto the reigns, whatever eventually came from the cart was sure to spook the horse… well before it ate it of course. His attention shifted to the group that was now level with him, and the evening got even stranger.

“Prepare to be boarded.”

Sebastian considered the leaders outfit, buckled shoes, pantaloons with a broad sash at the waist, shirt with a broad lace collar and a hat. Yes it was definitely a black bicorn. “I’m sorry, did that bird say boarded?” Bird, it was certainly not a parrot, more pigeon.

“Indeed, so if you’d be so good to step ashore my crew can get about their business.” The voice soft and silky, not the harsh throaty cackle Sebastian had expected. His cutlass waved at Sebastian, trying to entice him from the cart.

“I’m afraid to say that I am unable to comply with your request Sir. There is nothing you will value inside. You’d be well advised to let us pass unhindered.” Sebastian held the pirates gaze, having to accept what he saw was real.

“Landlubbers, why will they never choose the easy path?” The pirate’s shoulders sagged a little, the point of his cutlass never dipping. “Well we shall have to this the hard way. Bosun, send the boarding party aboard the vessel…” His words trailed off as another conversation rose in volume.

“Oh come on this is ridiculous, you know he isn’t real pirate right?” Said a skinny crew member.

“Who cares? This past month we’ve had somewhere warm and dry to sleep, plenty of food and there is that treasure he always talks about. Have you had it better since you were sent through the breach?” The man next to him replied, the two of them oblivious to the fact that not only had their conversation gone beyond whispers, but that everyone was now watching them, save the pirate.

“He’s a lunatic. Away boarders, going ashore and that entire landlubber rubbish. We was a proper street gang before he showed up. He’s trouble, unhinged in a special way I tell ya, special even for Malifaux…” He stopped talking, head swivelling, eyes growing wide as he took in the space he and his mate now occupied, “Oh ****!”

“If you’d excuse me for just one moment, I seem to have a mutiny to put down.” The pirate nodded to Sebastian. He spun rapidly, his cutlass causing the fog to swirl as it ripped through the air, cutting through the skinny man’s neck with ease, his head landing at the edge of the road and rolling into the shadows.

Sebastian wished he’d ignored his masters instruction to leave his bone saw at home, right now the mechanical cry of its rusty blade would have made him feel a whole lot better. That sword had to be enchanted in some manner. A normal blade couldn’t have cut so clean. This pirate was indeed special, his master would approve.

“Anyone else thinking they want to be cashiered from the crew?” The gang became a frozen tableau of forced smiles and hearty camaraderie. The pirate nodded, pointing his cutlass at a man with a spotted hankie on his head. “Bosun, get those sheets furled up and let’s see what we have on this vessel.” He turned, cutlass once again pointed at Sebastian. “And you just sit nice and still there, wouldn’t want to harm you unnecessarily”.

The man approached the side of the cart and began to untie the cover, far too scared to heed the growl his presence brought from the cart. A tiny head wormed its way from beneath the sheet, its buggy eyes glaring at the bosun. With a high pitched yap it launched itself at his face, biting and clawing at the intruder.

“Arrrggggh.” the man struggled with the rabid Chihuahua, desperate to stop its rancid claws for scratching him further. He grasped its neck, drew a sharp knife and plunged it deep into its torso, twisting the knife as the dog continued to claw at him. The dog gave a last low howl of pain before falling limp in the man’s hand. A blue glow spreading out from the corpse, casting odd shadows on the man’s horrified face before it was lost in fog.

Sebastian looked into the man’s eyes, “I wouldn’t have done that if I were you.” He began to slowly slip off the bench, trying to put as much wood as possible between himself and the load bed.

“Stand fast or I’ll run you through…” The words died on the Pirate’s lips as the cart began to rock, slowly at first but increasing in pitch and violence, the axles squealing in protest.

“Just the ticket.” A gloved hand darted out from within the cart and snatched the Chihuahua’s corpse from the bosun’s grasp. “Be right with you.”

The rocking ceased as suddenly as it had begun. Sebastian peaked over the front edge of the cart, savouring the pirates puzzled expression. His night was about to get as strange as Sebastian's had been up to this point.

A bright green light exploded form the cart, blowing the covers open and revealing two occupants. One a man, clad in rubber gloves and apron, the other a beast from the darkest edges of a man’s nightmare, three headed, claw footed and definitely angry.

The serpentine head snapped at the bosun, decapitating him before he had a chance to move, his lifeless corpse collapsing to ground while the other two heads surveyed the rest of the crew, the lion head roaring out its murderous intention.

“A Kraken! They’ve released a kraken. Open fire, it’s hide is worth a king’s ransom!” The pirate drew a large flintlock pistol from his belt, aiming quickly before pulling the trigger. The heavy slug slammed into the beast’s body, actually knocking it back. “For the prize men, charge!”

The beast roared a cacophony of noise, all three heads bellowing their outrage, and then it moved, charging towards the pirate as he approached.

Sebastian was impressed, few people actually headed towards the beast. He looked and sure enough the pirates crew were heading rapidly in the opposite direction, discarding hats and neckerchief’s as they fled, a gang once more.

The Pirate dodged the initial thrust from the serpent head, stepping inside, thrusting his cutlass deep into the beast’s torso, spinning as its claws attempted to rake him, slashing at the lion head attempting to bite his arm. Sebastian was impressed, he was doing rather well against his masters pet, best he had seen in a long time.

The beast lunged again, the pirate smashing at the lion head with the cutlasses’ bucket, stunning the beast, raising the cutlass high above his head, ready to stab.

“Oh no you don’t.” The pirate looked down to see a scalpel buried deep in his chest. McMourning jumped off the cart, flying towards the pirate, parrying a weak counter blow with his cleaver. “Now let’s see what we have in here.” He wrenched the scalpel free, began cutting with practised ease and precision.

“Shiver me timbers, you’ve keelhauled me.” The pirate gawked as McMourning pulled his guts from the now gaping hole in his chest. Slowly falling back, flatting his parrot as he hit the ground.

Shots rang out, the gang had rallied at the barricade, shooting wildly. McMourning turned to the beast, “Go play.”

With a three tone roar the beast bounded towards the overturned cart, turning it into splinters as it smashed into it, disappearing into the gloom, chasing the fleeing gang.

McMourning scooped up the pirate’s hat, setting it at a jaunty angle on his head. “What say we get this buccaneer on the cart and set sail for home Sebastian?”

“Yes Master” Sebastian stepped down to help load the body, dreading the next few hours of nautical puns. He took up the reigns once more, setting off down the now unblocked lane, heading towards the faint screams and roars in the distance.

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All done, theme's used 'The Pirate' and 'I wouldn't have done that if I were you'. Maybe a bit literal but that's what came to me

[Ender101]

Wonderful story! I thought that the pirate character was a riot, and that McMourning was very well done. Sebastian really steals the show with his internal monologue of the events. The 'crew' and the 'parrot' were great touches.