Sliver Chocobo Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) The Librarian lead the Freikorps into the thick bayou with only the emerald light her lantern with in it to guide her way, it knew the way they sought. The dense forest had hidden the sky away for sun away for and unknown amount of time. The bayou was filled with a sickly sweet smell, the ground unusually dry and unnaturally quite The Librarian looked to her followers, Lars Miller a Danish Specialist with itchy trigger finger, Freikorpmann called Mr Jackson, no one knew his first name, they just called me by his surname he left left everything professorial and a Freikorp Pathfinder that went by Rebecca laws. "Miss Gators, I assume you know which way we need to go" The Librarian turned to Mr Jackson, her eyes aflame with emerald light. "I assure you Mr Jackson that we are headed in the right direction, if you don't believe me ask Rebecca" Sniffed the air, she appeared almost animal, unlike the other Freikorps she didn't have helmet, only a set of goggles around her eyes. "We've headed deeper into the bayou than I ever have before, I don't anyone else has been this far, but the scent is definitively getting stronger, we're heading in the right direction "indeed" Mr Jackson noted reluctantly. The Librarian's lantern pulsed and an emerald green fireball flew from it and headed into the distance. "AFTER IT NOW!" The Freikorps company run blindly after the fireball, towards a colossal tree that had been growing around an ancient building from old Malifaux. the bayou itself seemed to claw a Freikorps as they past, wolves howled in the distance, the tress clawed and scratched. "There, it's a perfect copy of the dolls house, well the doll house is a pefect copy of this house and in the back should be a secret room, should contain the treasure we seek, and you doubted me Mr Jackson" "Indeed, Wait where is Mr Millar?" an ominous howl echoed throw the bayou shortly by an ear spitting explosion. "LARS, are you still out there" "Silence, girl want to tell every 'born in the area where we are. Now the location of this building has been lost to the Neverborn for some time, you see you need the lantern to reach here..." the Librarian continued with her story on how she found a secret room inside a toy dolls house which had a map that lead her to the lantern. but nether Mr Jackson or Rebecca was listening to her. "We should be looking for Lars body" "We got mission to do, Miss Laws" keep your mind on that "Yes, lets hope this 'treasure' is worth it" the pair followed the Librarian the door, where she pulled out a tiny brass thimble, that had been decorated with several tiny soulstones. "Strange, how something so unassuming can be so important" the Librarian placed the thimble into the wall of the house and turned it, the wall flicked with green light, countless gear turned as the wall slowly opened up, to a dusty ballroom. It might of once been used for the most glorious of partly, filled with richest people of Malifaux, now it was decrepit, filled with dust, the paintings long since faded away, the cheering crowd, now a lifeless horde of mannequins, clinging to a long forgotten history. "Not Much of a treasure here Miss Gators, unless you plan on selling the mannequin to the Star" "Oh, it's Mr Jackson, remember not all treasurer is silver and gold, knowledge can be greater" "You two we got company, Waldgeist, i can see at lest six" Six wolves made of wood and moss stood not far from the edge of the building, snarling and hissing" "Don't worry they fear what inside here, too much to come inside" "and what is that Miss gators" "Not sure, they called a god, a tyrannical ruler that treated those that served her like her toys forced them to 'play' for her amusement, the mannequin are all that's left of her enemies but she 's long dead now. Here this is what I wanted." The Librarian pulled a smooth round stone from the center of room, inside was a pale white mask, which was promptly tossed aside and countless papers written in the ancient, which the neverborn script. Rebecca picked up the discarded mask, it was beautiful in simplicity, there wasn't any spaces to see through or nose holes, it even restricted anyone's mouth who tried to wear it meaning they would be unable to talk, but there was something precious about it" "Anything interesting, Miss Gators" the Librarian smiled and replied "Oh Mr Jackson, I found what i was looking for. the secret to Necrobotanomancy" "Pardon" "Plant Necromancy to specific and I can see you reaching for your gun and sorry it's nothing personal, I just don't like you" the Librarian chanted, as she did so roots rose from the ground around Mr Jackson and around his legs and arm, his torso and his neck and choked the life out of him. "Now Rebecca are you going to try and kill me or are you going to continue staring into that mask" She Joking mocked her before she began to chant once again, but suddenly stopped as she noticed they was some inhuman intelligence behind her eyes. It place the mask upon her face and stared at the Librarian, as it did so the Librarian became aware that all of the mannequins were also. Edited September 5, 2012 by Sliver Chocobo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Monkey Posted September 1, 2012 Report Share Posted September 1, 2012 In the second bit where you introduce Mr Jackson the wording seems a bit muddled to me... other then that seems an excellent start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sliver Chocobo Posted September 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2012 In the second bit where you introduce Mr Jackson the wording seems a bit muddled to me... other then that seems an excellent start. Sorry posted far too soon by mistake, that will get changed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sliver Chocobo Posted September 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Now all I have to do is change the second paragraph, also thought on the ending Also next story wont have tyrant in it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Doesn't look like you got to finish this? Other than some grammatical and flow problems here and there it was an interesting story - a good start. it felt like there were areas missing punctuation or with run on sentences that made it difficult to read. I think this was stil la first draft though, so with more time it could be polished up quite easily. Thanks for the read! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sliver Chocobo Posted September 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Unforunity I wasn't able edit it in areas in places, but I'm glad I got something up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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