Braindead Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 Just wanted some feedback on this. It will be part of a campaign I am organising. Each master will get a similar intro. Criticism is good as I haven't written anything for a long time. ------------------------------------------------- “Rat-a-tat-tat” He didn’t sleep much did Seamus. The whiskey did the trick most nights, but he didn’t sleep last night. Not proper sleep. “Rat-a-tat-tat” The hammering of fist on wood didn’t help. Was one of the ladies locked in the broom closet again? The noise was incessant and was seeping into his dreams. Was this a dream? “Rat-a-tat-tat” “For feck’s sake, someone’s picked the wrong door to come-a-knockin’ on”. Bolt upright, Seamus looked for his boots, rolled out of bed and let his control over the girls exact itself. “Lydia. Oats”, “Sybelle. Milk. I’ll be wanting some breakfast after I deal with this”. The banging continued. “Rat-a-tat-tat” With a shake of his head, he made his way over to the door. He hadn’t noticed last night, but the sturdiness of the door was balanced by the craftsmanship of the panelling. As he passed the dresser, he snatched up his Flintlock and deftly rolled his top hat up his arm and onto his head. He chuckled as he passed the mirror. “Seamus, you scruffy feck! Where’re do you think you’re going dressed like a tramp in just your nightshirt and boots” “Aw, Ma I’ve got my best hat on. I’ll be awful polite to whoever’s at the door” “Rat-a-tat-tat” Seamus’ pistol slowly rose to a level that matched the point where the knocks were coming from. He casually cocked the pistol and stepped away from the door, knocking the latch off with the tip of the barrel. As the door swung open, Seamus felt a tremendous urge to simply empty the barrel, but kept his patience. “Allo there” squawked the little man, “I’m the Postman and the Glowing fancies a little game”. The crack of Seamus’ flintlock never failed to make everyone jump, everyone except Seamus. His patience was short-lived as ever. As the body started to fall forward through the doorway, Seamus gave it a hefty kick and sent it reeling back into the dark alley outside. He spun around, kicking the door shut with his heel and whistled through the smoke from the gun’s tip. “Bejesus, do you hav’ta to drop whatever you’re holding every time I fire?” The two decaying girls were scratching at each other whilst on their knees in mess of oats, milk and china. Seamus sighed and tossed his gun into the lap of the elderly gentleman sat in the rocking chair. “You do have some funny visitors, round here. Ta for putting me up for the night though”. There was no reply. Even without the gag, the riding crop through the man’s eye-socket had seen to that. “Rat-a-tat-tat” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucklemonkey Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 I enjoyed it generally and think that you got the character just right. There were a couple of points I got confused at, particularly the first part till he sat bolt upright - although it is late and I'm tired so it may just be me. Would read your stories for the other masters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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