An eventful Meeting..

[Saje]

Ok, I've always wanted to do some writing for myself, and I've written many shirt stories about different things but never shared any with anyone else. This short story was written in the space of about an hour or two last night, and I really wanted to post it to see what you all think. I don't mind if you want to be brutal, I would like criticisms if you have any, just generally let me know what you think and don't hold back. (by the way this is my first ever first person short story :S)

I'm sat in Old John's Saloon, and the shiver runs down my spine again. I take another swig of my whisky and check that my pistol is loose in it's holster. Difference between life and death round these parts, slow draw will probably cost you your life. The pistol is dear to me, used to be my livelihood when I was part of the Guild. I run my finger over the inlaid filigree on the handle and let my mind wander.

I recall my first year after coming through the breach. I had such life ahead of me. A good job, Guardsmen of the guild, lots of promotion prospects. I met a young lady at one of the governor's fancy balls, she went by the name of Isabelle, I wonder where she is now and whether or not she remembers me. Most importantly of all, however, I had my sanity.

I'd like to talk about that for a while. Sanity. Seems like such a simple thing, it's not something you obtain or work towards, you are just automatically sane. Then something happens, a traumatic event, an overactive imagination, or a harrowing experience. For me it was the events of one particular night that caused me to lose my sanity. And now when I close my eyes all I see are the faces of those people that died. All I hear in my dreams are their wails, screams and cries for help. And it haunts me. Haunts me that I could't do anything to help them, haunts me that I didn't TRY to do anything to help them, but most of all haunts me that I did't want to help them.

The doors to the saloon bang open and it awakens me from my daydream. I notice the rocks in my whiskey have all but melted, which means I was gone for a while this time. I look hazily round the bar, nothing but the seedy lowlife scum you expect in a place like this. I finish my whiskey and lean over my shoulder to signal the bartender for another. He nods and starts pouring. When I turn back to the table a stranger is sat opposite me. He is sat with his chair backwards, leaning on the backrest with his forearms. He has a large black rimmed hat on his head, and a long duster jacket. A small badly rolled cigarette hangs lazily from the side of his mouth. He flicks his hat and nods at me. As he puts his arm back on the chair I notice he is carrying a brace cleverly hidden under the duster.

"what can I do you for?" I ask him. I make a point of keeping my voice low, so as to not draw attention.

"I've heard you're the man I'm looking for, I have a job for you" the man replies. There is a moment of silence as the bartender places my drink on the table, the stranger produces a coin and flicks it to the barman. I take a slow slip of the whiskey.

"what's the job?" I ask

"a simple find and retrieve. My wife.." I notice he falters whilst saying this "...has lost a priceless family heirloom, she wants it returning"

"I'm sure you're capable of returning it yourself"

"unfortunately, my time is limited, my wallet, however, is not"

"how much are you paying?" I ask, his comment about his wallet hooked me line and sinker.

"as much as you need"

I rapidly shake the empty shells out of my revolver and reload as fast as I can. I hear running footsteps and know I don't have much time. I dive from behind the barrel and relocate to behind a pillar. This gives me a perfect angle to see the stairs and get the first shot off. The bodies of the house's occupants littler the floor creating an awkward obstacle course. I see the shadow moving down the spiral staircase, getting slower and more apprehensive as it approaches the bottom. I cock the revolver and get ready to shoot. I'm prepared to kill what comes round that corner, prepared for anything...

Except this.

As the figure slowly walks into the light of the lantern I am astounded by her beauty. Long strawberry blonde locks flow over a very revealing night dress, her luscious red lips shine in the lamplight. She turns to look my way and the most beguiling smile I've ever seen in my life comes onto her perfectly defined facial features. My gaze wanders down her neck, onto her ample bosom and down to her silky smooth legs. As I look back up I notice the necklace I have been sent here to obtain is around her neck. I look back upto her face and suddenly notice that the gorgeous smile has been replaced by a wicked grin.

She springs across the room lightning fast and grabs my pistol hand before I can even aim it. She rakes her fingernails down my arm and draws blood, I immediately drop my pistol from the pain. My instincts jump into play and I headbutt her right between the eyes. Her blood sprays all over my face and I feel her drop to the floor. I wipe the blood from my eyes but when I open them again she's gone. I pick up my pistol and check again that it is loaded. I take a look around the room but the girl is nowhere to be seen. I head toward the stairs, but as I'm about to go up, the lamp goes out plunging the whole room into darkness.

I'm pretty certain I can hear crying, a sobbing perhaps. I stand perfectly still and see if I can locate the crying through just the sound. The sobbing picks up, it sounds like 2 maybe 3 people crying now. I start to question whether or not I'm awake, am I dreaming again? No, it can't be. Dreams are accompanied by visions, and all I can see here is pitch black. The sobbing rises in pitch again, it sounds like a small group now, almost deafening. I feel around to try and find the lamp, just as I find it the light comes back on.

It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the light, when I turn around there's a young boy standing in the centre of the room. He's holding a stuffed teddy and sucking his thumb. I level my revolver at him, knowing I can't trust anything I see now.*

"that's not nice mister" the child says. He throws his teddy into the darkened corner of the room. "you should always play nice"

"I've had my fill of playing nice tonight lad" I say "now tell me, where did the girl go?"

"girl? What girl? There's no girl here, just me, teddy and Lord Chompy bits" this piece of information scares the life out of me, anyone who has a friend called Lord Chompy bits has to be someone you should be afraid of. I suddenly notice movement in the corner of the room where the teddy was thrown, as I look over all I see is two, glowing, evil red eyes. I realise I'm in to deep here, and bolt up the stairs behind me. I hear the child shout something, and then I hear a pair of heavy footsteps come after me. As I reach the top of the stairs I notice the moonlight shining through a window at the end of the corridor. I run to the window and try to force it open, but it won't budge. I turn around Just in time to see a large Teddy bear round the corner at the top of the stairs, it turns it's evil red eyes on me and opens a gummy tooth filled mouth and smiles. I flip my revolver over and smash the glass with the butt, it breaks easily, and I frantically try to clear as much glass away as possible. The Teddy starts lumbering slowly towards me, and I can feel the terror pulsing through my veins. I manage to clean an average size hole out of the window, and just as the teddy is about to lunge at me I leap out.

I hit the floor hard and immediately go into a roll. I stand up and find I've sprained my ankle, but the pain is nothing compared to my terror. I hobble run away from the building as fast as I can, never looking back as I go.

[elril]

Nice imagery, needs a better transition though. The jump between being offered the job and on the job is quite simply broken. Needs some sort of segue or at least one clear ending or a beginning.

[Saje]

thankyou for your comments, and i understand what you mean.

The main reason for the brief cut off was that this was originally intended as a brief, short story. i wanted to include the original encounter to give you some feel behind the main character, then move onto some action. i knew the story would go on too long if i included the full events, so i decided to do a small portion of each. however what you have said has been taken on board and noted, it was something i was aware of and was slightly afraid of aswell.