HoarcatsPride Posted September 6, 2010 Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 (edited) (This is a "really" rough draft!) Help!....... me! ......... I look out and what I saw next was so frightening I was paralyzed with fear. It was so gruesome. Those innocent citizens of this city, the city of Malifaux. I am sweating now worried if I would be next. You can feel the tensity in the air. Me and my 3 children. Their father had dad this night of last year. This is the night of The Peace keepers. Thats what us folks on the outside skirts of Malifaux call it. We are very poor most of us don't even make it through the winter. Because of the disease and starvation, but the remaining people who do make it through most likely make it through this day. I think of what would happen to my children if I don't survive. I tell my children we got to go, NOW! We run through the night trying to avoid the Peace Keepers. Dead bodies and are lying all over the streets. This is how The Guild reminds us they are in control. Bam....... Something just broke through a building somewhere behind us. We turn around. Their it stands with a massive slab of concrete. A chunk falls..... Theirs a Bright Blueish flash...... I Black out. The next thing I know there in front of me sit my three children at the end of my bed, their faces stained with tears. They all scream Mama. They squeeze me with monstrous hugs and kiss me with soft warm lips. Then I notice the pain in my head. How long have I been out I ask them. " I can answer that" says a voice. It sounded deep and wise. " Sorry, forgot to introduce my self, My name is Ramos" he said. "Where am I" I ask. You are in the base of the Union. "The What" I say. " The Union, we are a secret society against the Guild" he says. "How long have i been out?" "13 Days" came a response. The voice was icy and cold. "Rasputina take the children I need to talk to her alone" says Ramos. I look Behind me and There was a table with two people sitting at it. The women must be Rasputina, but who is he i say aloud. "He is Marcus" Ramos responded. Marcus got up and left with out a word. "He's not that much into talking" said Ramos. Then Rasputina leaves and takes my children outside. "We are known as the Arcanist to some, like the guild" Ramos had said. " You will be able to head home within the next couple of days" he says. " Ya if I have a home" I respond. "You do, we checked. Now, take this it will help your head" he said. I take the strangely glowing liquid and..... I.... Black out. I awake in my house with a table full of food and a kitchen stocked full. My children are sitting at the table waiting for me. "Who made this" I ask. "Those people who saved us did" they all responded. I will never forget those people who refered to themselves as The Union. Somewhere out there they are watching over other people like me to help out. I look up. With a tear falling from my eye I whisper. "Thank You." :ramos:marcus:rasputina Hope yall enjoy, Please comment. Edited December 20, 2011 by HoarcatsPride Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucklemonkey Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 I like that the story is told from the point of view of one of the Malifaux dispossessed. I felt the first half was stronger. I think it was that you managed to portray the urgency and fear well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epic Jimbo Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alondir Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 want. to. buy. pharagraphs, it was quite hard to read. but part from that enjoyed it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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