Chucklemonkey

The first thing Dwayne noticed when he awoke was not the fact that he wasn’t lying in his bed where he would have expected to wake up; it was the ache that splitting his head from ear to ear. He rolled to one side in the mistaken belief that moving around might help the situation and it was then he first realised something was not quite right. It was the squelching sound as he rolled that did it. He had awoken in puddles of many liquids throughout his life but this felt altogether different. He reluctantly allowed his eyes to open before quickly shutting them again. What the hell was that? Why was everything so bright? He could tell this was going to be a pretty bad hangover but decided he had to give it another try. It was natural daylight. He had never seen it before but he was sure of it, after all, he was the smartest goddamn rabbit in the known world, of course he would know what daylight looked like. His bloodshot eyes darted from side to side as he tried to get to grips with what was happening. He appeared to be in a muddy ditch, the steep sides told him he had probably fallen in, but he couldn’t remember much of the evening before, which he usually considered a good sign. Quite how he had managed to escape the Star he was not sure, but then, he was a trained magician’s rabbit! It was then that he noticed a small green head with bulging eyes staring down at him, it was like nothing he had ever seen before. The creature was maybe ten yards away and after a few seconds curiosity must have got the better of it as it crept towards the edge of a ditch. Dwayne remembered Le’ Guen mentioning Gremlins before and the description he had heard seemed to fit the little guy. He decided he wouldn’t wait to see if his visitor was friendly and hurriedly picked up a small stone and hurled it at the visitor missing by a good three feet. It still seemed to do the job however as the little green head disappeared from view. “Yeah, that’s right snotbag, you better run.” Dwayne started to laugh at his own fearsome awesomeness but it died in his throat as maybe fifteen of the little blighters suddenly appeared in view. One of the larger ones moved forward and tried to prod Dwayne with a sharpened stick; Dwayne though, had the reactions and instincts of a, well, a rabbit, and tried darting to one side. Given that he had only ever trod the boards of the theatre he found he was unable to keep his balance on the sodden conditions beneath his feet and landed square on his ass. They were on him like a wave and despite doing his best to fight them off, kicking and punching as hard as he could in what felt like entirely random directions, he was soon trussed up like a Christmas turkey and dragged up the steep slope. They pushed him back onto his feet and immediately started marching in an orderly fashion with Dwayne positioned roughly in the middle of their makeshift convoy. “Hey you little pricks, you know I could get out of these knots whenever I want to right? I come from a long line of Luperine magicians, I mean haven’t you ever heard of Hare-y frickin’ Houdini?” Dwayne turned his head to look at the Gremlin to his rear and it was then that he spotted it. The little guy had a bottle of what looked like genuine swampland moonshine hanging from his belt. Dwayne tried to get the gremlins attention; it was easy enough to do - despite his arms being tied to his side - as a result of his dexterous ears. When he was sure that he had the full attention of his captor he pointed to the bottle with both of them, thinking a little hair of the dog would be just what he needed to take the edge of his skull-cracker. The Gremlin’s head tilted to one side before following the direction of the large white ears to the bottle by his hip. He looked back at Dwayne with a leery grin, clearly showing a mouth full of rotten teeth. The gremlin unhooked the bottle and started to bring it forward. “Yeah, that’s right little guy, bring it to papa” whispered Dwayne in what he hoped was a calm voice. The bottle touched his lips and he could feel the liquid starting to make its final journey down his throat to the pit of his stomach. It was when it got there that he first felt the burning, rising through his oesophagus like magma forcing itself upwards through the chambers of a Volcano. Dwayne had never drunk anything like it before and as he fell to his knees he felt sure that his eyes must be as red as Collette’s favourite brassiere. He raised his head slightly, just in time to see that all of the gremlins had gathered to laugh at his misfortune, before one moved forward and smacked him over the head with the butt of a blunderbuss. He faded in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an age. All he was sure of was that he was still moving. His captors taking him to whatever god forsaken hell hole they called a home. It was when the sound of pigs came to him that he truly seemed to regain some of his mental faculties. He was tied to a branch now, being carried by two of the little guys from earlier. They had reached a camp and Dwayne could make out numerous tents as well as some pig-sties. He could also hear the buzz of mosquitoes but was unable to locate the source. Apparently the sight of a white rabbit tied to a stick was not something that often passed through this makeshift village and the gremlin at the front of the convoy had to push his way past an oncoming crowd. They reached a large tent towards the rear of the camp, entered it, and propped Dwayne up against a central wooden post before beating a hasty retreat. Dwayne was tired, dirty, and in pain from where he had been tied too tightly. He really needed a drink. Not a minute passed before the entrance to the tent was flung open and in walked a single gremlin, no more than height 1. Dwayne noticed that this one was very different to the others however. Firstly it was clearly a female, dressed in tight jeans and a low cut top, Dwayne, despite noticing she was both green and not much taller than his lower leg found her strangely arousing. She had big brown eyes, full moist lips, and a great rack. She walked around him slowly, Dwayne hoped he had been offered up as a potential mate but had a feeling he might end up as dinner for the night. Then all hell broke loose as an explosion ripped through the camp. The blast was enough to dislodge Dwayne from his resting place against the post and he fell straight to the floor. There was a lot of screaming and shouting outside but more terrifyingly he heard the unmistakeable sound of gunshots. Whatever was out there did not sound friendly. The female Gremlin ran from the tent. The flap hardly had time to settle back into position before it was thrust open again and she re-entered, not as a Gremlin this time but as a full sized, genuine grade A goddess. “Jesus baby, that trick was phenomenal! Magnificent! Say, is that why i’m here? You must have heard about my skills as a conjurer and you want my assistance. That’s it isn’t it baby? Well sweet-cheeks, you heard right, untie me and we can discuss this further, perhaps over dinner, or even better, tomorrow’s breakfast.” A stocky man with mutton chop sideburns had followed her in while Dwayne had been talking. She gave Dwayne the once over before shaking her head slowly and turning to her companion. “Un-tie this freak will you, then let’s get back to business.”

Ha yes, I could see that happening but it is just to remove one word extraneous word.

That is true, I hadn't considered that at all.

Is there any way to do it? Have tried changing it in the advanced editor mode but the title just seems to be for the first post in the thread. Thanks.

Have been looking forward to these for a while and am very interested in Sedition Wars in general so I am keen to see the rule set when it becomes available. I think these are models that would benefit from seeing them in person rather than the photo's though.

A quick hello to all during my lunch break. It seems to be the only time I can get on here. Postage wise I'm not sure if there was an error initially as I had a play and the postage was nowhere near as bad as had been made out. I will put my list together at gencon, see the postage and decide then.

http://www.wyrd-games.net/Display/ColleteA5-Alone.jpg It may be wrong but I was drawn to the rabbit rather than the scantily clad lady. ------------------------------------------------------ It was to be his moment to shine. He had sat through the entire first half of the show, the audience for that first hour had been enraptured by the music and dancing of the can-can dancers. Not as enraptured as Dwayne was; he loved seeing the shape of their long stocking-ed legs and corseted busts. Even better was the view of their frilly lingerie he had from his position beneath the stage; his eyes had practically popped out of his head the first time he realised what he could see. Yes, the view, together with the bottle of moonshine he had managed to sneak in under the nose of the stupid stage manager Le’ Guen, certainly passed the time, before he, Dwayne, the star of the evening was to emerge. He took another swig of moonshine and raised his long slender ears as high as he could in order to listen for his introduction. There she was, Collette, beginning to explain to the audience what they were about to witness. Despite his hatred towards her he had to admit, he definitely would! He could barely hear her tell the audience that the first trick would be the old staple of the rabbit from a top hat, with a slight difference. Dwayne chuckled at that point, as he did every night, nobody in the audience could possibly guess what that difference would be, that he, Dwayne, a six foot white rabbit and absolute star of the show would emerge on the stage in a puff of smoke wearing that top hat. He laughed again and felt a slight loss of balance as he raised the moonshine to his lips once more. Through his spy-hole he noticed Collette knock the bottom of the hat twice. That was his cue. He took a last swig from his bottle and took the three steps required to his mark. Tonight though he would not be emerging from the stage platform as planned; tonight he had decided he was going to take this illusion to the next level and emerge to the rear of the audience in a flash of blinding light and smoke. He walked on thinking that his moonshine had definitely hit the spot. He made it to the rear of the auditorium with mere moments to spare and on hearing Collette’s final shout took one step into the aisle and threw down his smoke bomb. He heard a gasp from the audience that was the sign he was looking for, and he prepared to emerge into the wave of adulation that would surely greet him. Unfortunately for Dwayne the smoke began to tickle the back of his throat causing him to cough and splutter, it took his mind off the process required to walk with his size 18 feet and he stumbled and fell face first onto the red carpet. When he regained his feet he looked towards the stage and could tell that Collette was not happy. Her face like thunder as she announced to the audience there would be a ten minute break before the show would resume. Dwayne hurriedly stepped back out of the auditorium and as he entered the corridor into the backstage area he was met by Collette, close up she looked even more furious than she had done on stage. “What the hell do you think you were doing?” she screamed into one of his large ears. “Watch your mouth sugar-lips.” He replied, making his way back to the prison cell they called his changing room. She followed him closely as they passed a row of three showgirls. Dwayne, noticing that Lara, who had breasts like a particularly pleasant mountain range was amongst them, took a quick double take. “Hey baby, ever been with a rabbit? There’s a reason they call us rampant you know.” Collette grabbed him by the arm and shepherded him through the door into his changing room. “Have you been drinking again Dwayne?” “It’s the only way I can look at you without being a little sick in my mouth!” he replied. “Dwayne, I know you are angry about your situation but the truth is there is nowhere else in Malifaux you’d be accepted. Here people think you are a man in a bunny suit. If you were out there in the real world people would think you were a freak and you would be dead within days, I guarantee it.” Dwayne stared into her eyes, “dead like my mother?” “I had no idea what prolonged exposure to soulstones would do to a standard white rabbit.” “Hey bitch, that’s my mother you’re talking about, there was nothing standard about her.” “Dwayne, you never even met your mother she died during your birth.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, you always trot that one out.” Dwayne took a deep breath before emitting a long sigh. “I need a drink.” Dwayne reached down below his dressing table and opened the mini-bar door. Collette could see him sifting through a number of empty bottles before finding a beer. He looked quizzically at the bottle “Hmmn, this little piggy must have escaped, I thought I had drunk everything in here. I don’t think it’s even my usual brand” “I have to get back out there Dwayne, they’ll be waiting for me. Grab yourself a coffee and we’ll talk after the show, ok?” Dwayne looked past the bottle as she turned and walked out the door. Despite everything she had done to him her rear provided a view that could make a rabbit very happy. .................... From his vantage point behind a hanger of stage costumes Le’ Guen saw Collette leave Dwayne’s dressing room. She rested a moment with the back of her head touching the door before locking it from the outside and concealing the key between her breasts. Le’ Guen, despite all of their sneaking around, knew the secret. That was no actor in that room. It was a monstrosity. Not only that but it was a monstrosity who continually caused trouble in his shows, perhaps worst of all though was the effect the rabbit had on the love of his life. Madame Collette never seemed happy after speaking to him. Le’ Guen had decided before tonight’s show that it would be the rabbit’s last. After seeing the stunt with the smoke bomb he knew he had made the right decision. All he had to do now was wait for the first part of his plan to take effect and by the morning all of his troubles would be over. That rabbit’s goose was about to get well and truly cooked.

And we're done, although as you can probably tell, there is likely to be more with these characters at some point. If you have made it this far then thanks for taking the time to read. As always, constructive criticism welcome. :feedback:

Mrs Barnaby sat on the train in Malifaux station as itprepared to begin the days final two hour journey back earth-side. She looked to her left where Geoffrey sat sleeping. The hardest forty-eight hours of her life had started when a female guild guard officer had knocked at her hotel room door. Mrs Barnaby was shocked at how young the officer was; another symptom of her passing years she decided. It had taken a moment for the meaning of her visitor’s words to register, and then they hit her with a force that no physical blow could have matched. Elliot’s funeral had been a fitting send off. Through her grief she had managed to admire how smart all of his guild colleagues had looked in their uniforms. A man she had not met had given the eulogy but she barely heard the sound of his voice through her tears. Geoffrey had supported her physically throughout the ceremony, and she had to admit that she had been surprised at how gentle and caring he had been since they had heard the news of her son’s death. Despite this she felt that after they parted at their final destination she would no longer wish to see him again. She looked through the train carriage, there was only one other passenger. It was a man by the name of Oliver. She had met him yesterday at the funeral; he had been present with a dwarf and both had displayed genuine sadness for her loss. She was however, not in the mood to converse with anyone right now and in truth it appeared that he too was not of a mind to pass the time with idle pleasantries. She opened her handbag, removed the deck of cards and placed them on the table in front of her, stared at them for what must have been more than a minute, before returning them to their rightful place next to her rouge and spectacles case. At that point she didn’t know if she would ever open the deck again. The evenings at bridge club and her coffee mornings with the girls from the gardening society no longer held any appeal to her. She had lost her son, her only child. In truth he had been all she had .................... The roaring of the fire couldn’t pierce the chill that had pervaded my body ever since I had been pinned to the hotel floor by the force of April’s will alone. I should have felt a deep sadness for the loss of the officers whose path crossed that of the object of my search, and of course for the real mother of April Steden. Those were not the feelings I felt as I stood in my drawing room gently warming the brandy with my cupped palms. I was angry. Angry at myself for the way I had been manipulated, no, the way I had let myself be manipulated Teresa and Scatola. I was determined that nothing like that would ever happen to me again. I would find April and I would save her from whatever fate they had planned for her, no matter the dangers that would await me in doing so. I crossed the room to the window over-looking the street, the night sky was clearer than I had seen it in many a season. It didn’t cheer me. I knew that from now the only thing I would have would be the search. I drained the brandy from my glass and drew the velvet curtains.

Welcome to the forums. :hello: Lilith is a fantastic master. Look forward to seeing your stories and there seems to be plenty of RPG'ers on the boards.

That's a huge compliment so thank you. Feel free to pm the people in authority. (I would put in a smilie here but posting on phone) The puppet product placement may help. I am concerned now though that you may be somewhat disappointed by what is to come. There is only the concluding part left. My initial target was to write something the length of a short yoof fiction book, just as a little challenge. A bit short but only a few thousand words away. It's a bit big for people dropping into the thread so don't know about posting parts in Seperate threads next time? It seems untidy to me so not sure.

I too am sorry to hear that. It is a pretty hefty loss. I hope you get lucky in your search! I also wanted to say that you seem to have concepted a number of my favourite miniatures. The timewitch and clockwork fairies are tremendous.

Here's a recipe One nearly complete Eldar ranger inquisitor model One new pair of shoes One kitchen radiator Mix together with an entire pot of old style gw snakebite leather. Allow to stew End result = one monkey, not chuckling That ranger had been some of my best work too, although I did manage to save him. It was funny he was the first thing I tried to save. The floor, shoes and radiator had to wait their turn.

I love cooking, I find it relaxing, but can't say too many of my recipes are particularly healthy. I do what I consider to be the best chicken Caesar salad anywhere but by the time you make the dressing it loses a lot of the nutritional plus points.

She still remembered the terror that had engulfed her as she had thrown open the door of the room the nice man had arranged for her. He had told her he was leaving to get her mother, who was already in the hotel and she had been so excited she had felt like crying. She wasn’t sure how long it had been since that night. The night she had been snatched from her bed; she had been sleeping when the men had entered her room but awoke from her slumber as a pair of arms had enveloped her. She had begun to cry immediately, gripped by a primal fear. The moment after he had left, she had felt relaxed for the first time since then but as the door opened it was initially puzzlement she felt; puzzlement that it was not her mother that stood before her but a man and a dark haired lady. Then it fell together in her mind like sand through an hourglass. The same crippling emotion she had felt only once before was brought back to her. That fear had passed now. She had been dragged to another room in the hotel. A dark room, lit only by candles, and decorated in strange patterns she did not recognise. The lady made the man tie her down and it was then that April had fainted. She had awoken, but in truth it still felt as if she was in a dream. She was walking around the room now, talking with the lady but it didn’t seem to be her. April knew then, what had happened, her passenger was now in control. That thing that had made her different from the other people; it had always felt like a powerful force within but now she knew that it was in control. She could feel the raw power, previously contained, was both stronger than ever before and now it was in control. It was then it happened. The door to the hotel room slammed open; her head snapped to face it automatically. There was a lot of shouting and noise and despite the initial panic, calm took over her as she simply relaxed; she knew what to do; she was guided. The men had managed to take maybe three steps in, but the room itself seemed to take up arms against them; the door slammed behind them putting them to fright. Chairs flew through the air towards the intruders. April could hear the woman laughing and it was then that she saw Scatola taking advantage of the chaos around them. He strode purposefully forward, a sword in hand and started slicing at the men with impunity. April could see sprays of blood with each repeated slice and hack of the sword, she felt her face tighten into a grimace, but no, it was not a grimace, she knew she was smiling. ............. I leapt up the stairs of the hotel two at a time. The noise was deafening; it was as if a whirlwind was taking place inside the hotel and despite the rushing sound being whipped past my ears I could also hear what were most definitely screams of pain. Residents of the hotel were emerging from their rooms, the nervous amongst them seemed to head straight for the nearest exit. Oliver pushed past me and we turned the bend in the corridor towards the source of the sound; it was then that an instant calm descended. April and her captors were emerging from the hotel room door. A mischievous grin spread across the young girls face as she raised her left arm. Oliver seemed to be lifted straight from his feet and flew backwards knocking me down. I tried to right myself but seemed completely unable to move, a pressure was holding me painfully to the floor and I could feel all of my energy leaving my body. I could only watch as Todo shepherded the girl past me and my prone companion towards the stairs. Scatola however, lowered himself onto his haunches and looked me straight in the eyes. “Mr Stryder” he stated, as he doffed his top hat in my direction before raising himself back to his feet to follow the two females. ................ Mrs Barnaby had managed to get over the fright of what had occurred just moments before. She still had enough of her faculties remaining to know that you couldn’t have a whirlwind indoors, at least not with the roof still in place, so she determined that it must have been an earthquake. In any event, it was time for her to retire for the evening. Geoffrey, her companion for this trip was tiring her. Not only was he desperate to take in all of the seedy sights of Malifaux: The Star Theatre; a tour of a soul-stone gin factory; a swamp safari, but he also seemed determined to make continual passes at her. She thought she had been perfectly clear with him before they left earth-side. He was there as a chaperone and travelling companion only. In truth Mrs Barnaby was disappointed with this year’s excursion. She had been told Elliot had to work but she had still anticipated seeing more of him than the one evening meal they had managed to share together. She reached the bottom of the hotel staircase and found herself looking up, it had become habit in line with her increasing years to assess the challenge that lay ahead. There she was. Mrs Barnaby had often thought of the young blond girl with pig-tails and the blue dress but had in her heart of hearts known she would never see her again. She had been wrong. She was descending the stairs now. Mrs Barnaby noted she was accompanied by a woman and a slightly older gentleman this time, and assumed she must have found her family. Mrs Barnaby smiled as the group approached. “I see you found your mum and dad?” The girl looked back at her and tilted her head at an odd angle before retuning Mrs Barnaby’s smile, “Yes, thank you” she replied. “She’s our precious gift” the mother stated as she placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders and turned back towards the exit. Mrs Barnaby watched the group as they exited the hotel happy in the knowledge that the girl was now in safe hands, before turning back to the stairs while looking forward to a good eight hours sleep in a comfortable bed.

Cheers silver, that looks much better in your quote. A final draft with 1 additional action and the amendment to finders keepers will be posted shortly, then it's time for playtesting. Now, I don't much like proxying so does anyone know where a good Victorian or steampunk dwarf mini can be found?

For that second part of finders keepers I was thinking along the lines of someone passing a treasure counter to him. You may be right though with regards to the reduction of cost to the action of 1ap.

And done for the day. Home nice and early. #Looks around monolith's for his mis-placed hat#

Just on the computer.

It's not too bad actually. Enjoyed it last night as got another part of my long story done and a full short one. If I hadn't managed much it would have sucked.

I just write whenever I can get free time from the missus. Tends to be when I have insomnia like last night.

I look forward to reading that when I leave work, I have been enjoying it. Is nice to see some fresh faces in there also.

Succumbs to mind trick and goes back to work.

Taps hayzel on the shoulder.'I believe you still have my hat.'

Thanks. I had considered a corresponding losers weepers spell as he still feels a little lightweight. Maybe a 6 inch pulse similar to hamelins hungry rats. Definitely trying to keep him as a practical objective grabber.