Ratty Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) This is a story about how easy it is to stray from the right path: A tale of love, death, and maybe some more love. For any lawkeepers in the audience, I'd like to point out that the story is entirely fabricated. Except for that bit about me being a Love Rat... This tale begins like many others in the world It starts along the lines of boy meets girl I was the boy, though this was many moons ago I've still got my mojo - ladies you should know The girl well she was gorgeous, she had lovely flowing hair I can't recall her name, but who the hell cares? The night was lit up bright by the silver moon above Our eyes met and we both knew we were in love She gave me many friction burns, and well... I gave her one Then I gave her another, and the night went on and on We made the earth move, but then tragedy it struck She just stopped breathing whilst we were in mid.... Flow I checked her pulse but it is absent to this day I just got frightened and so then I ran away Imagine my surprise a week later, maybe more When my dead lover came and knocked upon my door She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!" She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!" So I said "I may be a hopeless romantic But you're just downright necromantic Have you ever heard the phrase 'Til Death Do Us Part'? No hormonal zombie could ever win my heart!" She was wearing perfume and a stunning evening dress But her skin was peeling off, she looked a total mess Her dead eyes seemed to say "How I really miss ya" But her pattern was more corrupt than the head of the Militia Some necromancer guy must have raised her from the dead And she'd lurched back to me determined to give head I suppose it's quite sweet, that Love can survive Death I wasn't so keen when I smelt her rancid breath She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!" She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!" So I said "I may be a hopeless romantic But you're just downright necromantic Have you ever heard the phrase 'Til Death Do Us Part'? No hormonal zombie could ever win my heart!" I pushed her out the door and back into the street But she came crawling back and grovelled at my feet I hired a group of exorcists, but they did not expect Her lust to be so strong - she murmured "No effect" I couldn't dismiss her, and she followed me for days I couldn't sleep in case she had her wicked way One night I got so tired I began to fall asleep Before I knew it she was there between my sheets And she said... "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!" She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!" So I said "I may be a hopeless romantic But you're just downright necromantic Have you ever heard the phrase 'Til Death Do Us Part'? No hormonal zombie could ever win my heart!" She still made my pulse race, and eventually I cracked She didn't have a pulse but was still great in the sack Although she was a putrid bag of flesh and bones She never whined like other women I have known She just said "Bleeeeeeeeeuuuurgh" (That's all she said now) She said "Bleeeeeeeeeuuuurgh" (That's all she said now) I see you're shocked, I see your disgusted frowns She may be dead but I'm not dead from the waist down And I suppose that it only goes to show I loved a dead girl because dead girls don't say "No".... The spell was broken, and she fell down limp at last I left her lying there and took a long hot bath When I returned she had just vanished from the bed She'd left a love letter and this is what it said: It said "Bleeeeeeeeeuuuurgh" [This was written by a friend of mine it's a very popular campfire song. I know there is a recording of it somewhere, but Unfortunately I'm finding it really hard to find a link to it.] Edited March 18, 2011 by Ratty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Alleycat Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Ratty you mad twisted magnificent genius. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratty Posted March 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Ratty you mad twisted magnificent genius. I didn't write it... It was written by Lester Starcraft.. I'll see if I can find a recording. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratty Posted March 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 here we go... Lesters cool, I like to think of him as a person I met. [ame] [/ame] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Alleycat Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Well fine then. your a plagarizing hack and he is a mad magnificent genius.. Better now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratty Posted March 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 It's not quite the same without half a dozen drunk Ogres shouting bleeeeeeeugh though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Absolution Black Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Lol! Although the subject matter is a little, shall we say, controversial, I did find myself reading through to the end and being amused. That man is a genius, albeit a twisted one. Ratty, well done for posting, lets just hope everyone takes it in the tongue in cheek way it's meant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necromorph Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Hahahaha...that is amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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