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An ode to Molly


Ratty
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This is a story about how easy it is to stray from the right path: A tale of love, death, and maybe some more love. For any lawkeepers in the audience, I'd like to point out that the story is entirely fabricated. Except for that bit about me being a Love Rat...

This tale begins like many others in the world

It starts along the lines of boy meets girl

I was the boy, though this was many moons ago

I've still got my mojo - ladies you should know

The girl well she was gorgeous, she had lovely flowing hair

I can't recall her name, but who the hell cares?

The night was lit up bright by the silver moon above

Our eyes met and we both knew we were in love

She gave me many friction burns, and well... I gave her one

Then I gave her another, and the night went on and on

We made the earth move, but then tragedy it struck

She just stopped breathing whilst we were in mid.... Flow

I checked her pulse but it is absent to this day

I just got frightened and so then I ran away

Imagine my surprise a week later, maybe more

When my dead lover came and knocked upon my door

She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!"

She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!"

So I said "I may be a hopeless romantic

But you're just downright necromantic

Have you ever heard the phrase 'Til Death Do Us Part'?

No hormonal zombie could ever win my heart!"

She was wearing perfume and a stunning evening dress

But her skin was peeling off, she looked a total mess

Her dead eyes seemed to say "How I really miss ya"

But her pattern was more corrupt than the head of the Militia

Some necromancer guy must have raised her from the dead

And she'd lurched back to me determined to give head

I suppose it's quite sweet, that Love can survive Death

I wasn't so keen when I smelt her rancid breath

She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!"

She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!"

So I said "I may be a hopeless romantic

But you're just downright necromantic

Have you ever heard the phrase 'Til Death Do Us Part'?

No hormonal zombie could ever win my heart!"

I pushed her out the door and back into the street

But she came crawling back and grovelled at my feet

I hired a group of exorcists, but they did not expect

Her lust to be so strong - she murmured "No effect"

I couldn't dismiss her, and she followed me for days

I couldn't sleep in case she had her wicked way

One night I got so tired I began to fall asleep

Before I knew it she was there between my sheets

And she said...

"Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!"

She said "Bleeeeeeeeeeurgh!"

So I said "I may be a hopeless romantic

But you're just downright necromantic

Have you ever heard the phrase 'Til Death Do Us Part'?

No hormonal zombie could ever win my heart!"

She still made my pulse race, and eventually I cracked

She didn't have a pulse but was still great in the sack

Although she was a putrid bag of flesh and bones

She never whined like other women I have known

She just said "Bleeeeeeeeeuuuurgh" (That's all she said now)

She said "Bleeeeeeeeeuuuurgh" (That's all she said now)

I see you're shocked, I see your disgusted frowns

She may be dead but I'm not dead from the waist down

And I suppose that it only goes to show

I loved a dead girl because dead girls don't say "No"....

The spell was broken, and she fell down limp at last

I left her lying there and took a long hot bath

When I returned she had just vanished from the bed

She'd left a love letter and this is what it said:

It said "Bleeeeeeeeeuuuurgh"

[This was written by a friend of mine it's a very popular campfire song. I know there is a recording of it somewhere, but Unfortunately I'm finding it really hard to find a link to it.]

Edited by Ratty
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