goblyn13 Posted September 13, 2007 Report Posted September 13, 2007 This is part 1 as it was late, and my brain started to turn to mush. I'll finish it up tomorrow. ========================== An eerie sound came over the hamlet. The rats knew what it meant and began to heed the call of their master. But the call wasn’t meant for the rats alone, the call was also meant to call back his children. Unfortunately, children were more willful than the rats. This was becoming a problem. Ever since, he had descended upon this particular hamlet, he had found that two of his children were becoming more willful. “Candy, we have to go,” spoke the younger one. “No Kade, we have wait just a little longer. I’m still hungry.” replied the one named Candy. They were waiting in an alley, They could both sense the rushing of warm blood and living flesh coming from inside the nearby saloon. It was only a matter of time until one of them got careless and left the saloon alone, or even better, drunk. They heard the call again, and both of them knew that the master was not very happy but both of them felt the need to feed as neither of them had managed to eat anything in several days. The others had fed but none of them had shared any of their catch. “Look,” Kade whispered. A pair of men started stumbling out of the saloon. the men were obviously drunk and they were both staggering and holding each other up. The men were heading to where he and Candy were hiding. Kade began to drool with anticipation, Candy just grinned like the cat who caught a canary. The men came closer to the alley, not knowing what waited in the darkness. But another knew exactly what waited for them, and felt the need to protect them. She knew they were there and had been hired to capture. Although these particular “children”, had she would have taken down for free. These ones she swore on her dead husband’s grave that she would get revenge on them for their part in his death. Candy came skipping out of the alley with her basket of goodies, and headed straight for the men. “La Lalalala;” she sang as she approached the men. The first man saw here and asked, “Excush me little lady... but ishn’t it a bit late for you to be out?” “Well..I..I'm lost ... can you help me?” she cried. “Wellsh.. that dependsh, on where youse lookin for..” sloshed the second man. As the second man spoke, Kade walked slowly out of the dark alley, his eyes glowing bright, Mr. Bear held tightly in one hand and dragging his favorite knife in the other. Kade reached the first man before he knew what was going. In an instant Kade had his blade slashing across the man’s throat, while Candy quickly had pulled out her scissors and had the second man sliced open for belly button to mouth. The blood gushed everywhere as both Kade and Candy lapped it up as if they hadn’t drank in years. Both of the children devoured the organs of their prey, sating their hunger. From her perch upon the roof of the hotel, Viktoria was amazed at the speed in which the two Never-born had managed to take down the two men. She had failed in preventing them from taking the lives, but she would not fail in getting her revenge. She drew her blades, and leaped from the roof, landing directly in front of the feeding creatures. With a flash of her blade she made her first strike, but the girl was faster. Viktoria’s blade had missed, her blade ended up embedded in the skull of one of the dead men. Candy brought her scissor blades around to where Viktoria had been just moments ago. Kade, annoyed by having his meal interrupted, looked at Mr. Bear. “Time to wake up Mr. Bear.” Mr. Bear, laying at the feet of the bodies began to change, its arm knitted itself to its body. Its good eye began to glow as the bloodstone button began to invigorate the body and caused it to double in size. Two claws emerged from each of its paws as it grew. A savage maw formed, with row upon row of teeth. As its final part of its transformation Mr. Bear let out a tremendous roar, shattering the quiet of the night. Once it awoke,it immediately lunged for Viktoria. Quote
Duende Posted September 13, 2007 Report Posted September 13, 2007 Nice story and use of the Wyrd characters is great. If you don't mind a little critiquing, this is an oddly worded sentence: "She had failed in preventing them from taking the lives, but she would not fail." And that Victoria had to duck to avoid Candy's swing? Isn't Candy much shorter than Vic? Just some discrepancies I noticed... hope you don't mind. Good beginning otherwise, can't wait fo the next part! Quote
Hinton Posted September 13, 2007 Report Posted September 13, 2007 Pretty cool story there, goblyn. Gory and violent and incorporating the Wyrd characters. Quote
Nathan Caroland Posted September 14, 2007 Report Posted September 14, 2007 Fun stuff! Few things like Michelle pointed out, but I put it down to you being tired as you said. Always enjoy these types of stories. Quote
goblyn13 Posted September 14, 2007 Author Report Posted September 14, 2007 Alright, so it took me more than a day, and I went back and I think i fixed the glaring flaws that were pointed out, but I'm sure I introduced new ones. The story continues: =============== Viktoria brought her blades together in front of her and barely managed to deflect Mr. Bear’s claws from making contact with her face, but in that brief instant she took her eyes off of Little Miss Death, a mistake, which she paid dearly as Candy sank her scissors into the back of Viktoria’s thigh. Between the force of Mr. Bear’s onslaught and the strike to her leg, Viktoria was brought down. Pinned to the ground on her back, it was all Viktoria could do to defend from blow after slashing blow from Mr. Bear’s attacks. Candy grinned gleefully seeing the terror she had wrought upon Viktoria. But Candy’s joy was short-lived, as she saw the glowing red eyes coming down the street. Kade saw them too, for he stopped his glutting upon the body of the men and got up knowing what was about to happen. Garm had come. And where Garm was meant that the master was coming. “Candy…” whimpered Kade. “Yes Kade, playtime’s over,” replied Candy. Mr. Bear continued blow after blow upon Viktoria, se weakly managed to deflect some of them with her blades, but she knew it was over for her. Mr. Bear had managed to land several slashes to area which she was almost certain would be deathblows. Viktoria flashed back to the last time she had seen her husband, to when her husband had his throat slashed by a small child that had been found wandering the streets terrified. A small child it later turned out to be demon spawn, one of the Never-born, who should have been put down like the beast she was. The anger from that moment caused her blood to boil, adrenaline surged in her veins, her strength returned to her, and she managed to both push back Mr. Bear and get up. The wound on her thigh still was bleeding profusely, but Viktoria hardly even noticed, her rage causing her to blindly strike out, slashing wildly at Mr. Bear, the creature’s skin being cut to ribbons, with stuffing flying everywhere. “Children, you’ve been very naughty. You haven’t been listening very well have you?” creaked the voice from the shadows. Several dozen pairs of small red glowing eyes appeared behind Garm. “But master… We were hungry,” replied the children. “That doesn’t forgive the fact that you didn’t come back when called like the rest of your brothers and sisters. We will have to deal with your insolence!” snapped the voice. Hamelin stepped out of the shadows, his pet Garm, a few scant feet from him. He looked around at the carnage, and saw Viktoria fighting Kade’s bear. As much as he would have preferred to be free of that thorn in his side he knew it would be better to retreat than to continue to press the attack. “Children, I think its time for everyone to go to sleep.” Pulling his flute from his pocket, he began playing a slow melodic tune. The tune caused all around to slow. The fighting between Viktoria and Mr. Bear slowed. The children became mesmerized. Time seemed to stand still and then, it all became a haze, the Mr. Bear, began to return to his dormant form. Viktoria feeling her rage subside, and feeling the effects of her wounds overcome her, slumped to the ground. And then, Hamelin and his children were gone. In the darkness, several glowing blue eyes reported back what they had seen to their master. Seeing the blood, the spiders slowly skittered out of the darkness and headed toward the prone Viktoria. With their expert skills they quickly sewed up the slashes on her body and cleared away, before she awoke. “She will be needed again, at another time,” spoke the words of the spiders’ master. ============== The full version without the cuts will be posted to a blog entry here Quote
thewartoad Posted September 14, 2007 Report Posted September 14, 2007 Some very nice reading in here! Thanks! Quote
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