Hollywood Squares

[Nathan Caroland]

I got a tickle out of this, thought I would share it with the rest of you. For those of you that don't know what Hollywood Squares is, it is a question/answer game here in the states where they take celebrities, and ask them questions and have to play a glorified game of tic-tac-toe. Depending on their answers you, the contestant answer true/false.

The get some real funny SOB's on there sometimes.

Subject: HOLLYWOOD SQUARE LINES

If you remember the original "Hollywood Squares" and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.

[Gonzoangel]

Man that's some funny stuff, where on earth did you dig that up from?

[Nathan Caroland]

The usual - someone sent it to me in an e-mail. I've got a ton of stuff that I have been thinking of putting up here, but most of it is video or some such, and an even larger portion is ... erm questionable material.

[anatora]

LOL... Nathan, Maya would slap you down. :pcguru:

[Duende]

:laugh::laugh: Those are great! I remember Hollywood Squares from "back in the day".

:hahaha: I like the last one the best!

:You_Rock_

[Duende]

Speaking of funny stuff in the email, here's one from my mailbox:

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to

other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a

transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over

sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he

in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over

and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but

would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's

pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, . . .he farted.

:embarasse

[Gonzoangel]

hahaha, an oldie, but a goody........and oh so right too :vb_tongue