Ferossa Posted January 21, 2015 Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 Oh I'm a lovely lady fair, a lady fair am I. The moonbeams dance upon my hair, there's starlight in my eye. He sings his songs, I see him not, my father raised me well. He sings his songs, I hearken once, he leads me down to hell. Oh I'm a lovely lady fair, a lady fair am I. He courts me in his darkened lair, my fate is for to die. He whispers love, we wend our way, the garden path is dark. He whispers love, our fingers touch, he pauses to remark: "Oh you're a lovely lady fair, a lady fair are thee To you my truest love I swear, oh won't you marry me?" The ring is on, our hands entwine, our souls are joined as one— His hand slips from my fingers as he crumples from the gun. Oh I'm a bloody lady bare, barren and bloody am I. Whisper your desperate, strangled prayer, heave your broken sigh. I'll drink your tears, I'll drain your fears, I'll haunt your dying breath. I'l flay your bones to the bare white stones until you beg for death. For I'm the bloody lady bare, barren and bloody am I. They hear me here, they hear me there, I cackle through the sky. Never look back, trust your own track, make those who hurt you pay. For shameless men and blameless men made me what I am today. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
admiralvorkraft Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 I like it! It's certainly a different take on the Iron Quill challenge. Your use of repetition is interesting, did you intend to break the pattern at the third stanza or am I seeing something that doesn't exist? Either way, it enhances the surprise of the gunshot so it works for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferossa Posted January 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 I like it! It's certainly a different take on the Iron Quill challenge. Your use of repetition is interesting, did you intend to break the pattern at the third stanza or am I seeing something that doesn't exist? Either way, it enhances the surprise of the gunshot so it works for me. Yes, please ask me artistic questions! And you're correct, I changed some of the iambs to spondees in the last line of the third stanza to enhance the sensation of shock and slowed time. Good catch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Grue Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 I liked it. I was curious if someone was going to break out the pentameter on this one. As always, The Grue 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hateful Darkblack Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 I love the iambic heptameter. It's just such a great sing-song quality to it, I can almost hear like an Irish folk song tune when I read it. (Especially since the content is bloody and tragic like a bunch of those.) One of my favorite weird rock bands, the Residents, would always compose their songs in iambic heptameter too. Good stuff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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