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Mike Wallace

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Everything posted by Mike Wallace

  1. Mike Wallace

    My First Game

    Brought DCR to my Monday game night and convinced the guys to crack it open. We started out with three players, but brought in a fourth when he showed up late. We had a few hiccups (like accidentally putting West Challenges in the South Region) but we managed to pull it together and I was elected to jump into Darkness, after scoring the Moon's Blessing and some other key items. It was a narrow race, because the Sun had already moved about half-way down Darkness' body when I got inside, and one of my companions failed a Challenge, resulting in 6-7 Corruption Tokens getting destroyed to move the Sun an equal number of steps. We were literally 1 step away from losing the Sun to the Rattle when my companions moved me two spaces and I completed the final challenge. 10/10 great game, but definitely not one that you play casually until everyone at the table is aware of the rules.
  2. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - Undercover Agent

    McCabe will be shocked when his horse splits in half and runs in two separate directions.
  3. Mike Wallace

    Favourite Malifaux Stories

    One of my personal favorites is "The Dead Man's Ball" by Christopher Gorham. I love his depiction of the Resurrectionist faction as less of a cult or organization, and more like a vastly extended family of powerful yet jaded aristocrats, who will happily welcome anyone who proves to be part of the family, but are otherwise content to scheme and plot and rave against one another.
  4. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - Newsies

    All the news that's [Guild approved] to print!
  5. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - Hucksters

    Just between you, me and the mature audiences only, that snakeoil salesgirl is fiiiine.
  6. Mike Wallace

    Welcoming Our Newest Game Designer!

    Wait a minute, what did he do before? Office Mascot?
  7. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - Mystery Monkey Mischief

    But why an orangutan? They're the "Dude" Lebowski of the Great Ape Kingdom! You monsters!
  8. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - Mysterious Gentlemen

    The executives behind Malifaux's fastest-growing fast-food chain, Mortimer's Meat Farm! Come taste the cadver-iffic flavor of our new Cryptburger! Mm, you can really taste that Two-Hour Law Freshness! A Job's a Job, always at Mortimer's! Warning Mortimer's Meat Farm is not Guild-approved nor fit for human consumption. If swallowed consult a mortician. Side-effects include choking, indigestion, paralysis of the loins, the condition known as Hot Dog Fingers, seeing the dead, sudden tail growth, spontaneous combustion, leaky orifices, Neverborn worship, tetanus, kuru, dyslexia, aphasia, constipation, uncontrollable laughter, toenail fungus and tongue warts. Offer limited while supplies last. Not applicable to Gremlins, the French, Alaska or Hawaii. Our lawyers made us say this. Don't laugh at my bald spot.
  9. Mike Wallace

    Friday Preview - Stalking Portals

    Just remember to not put your Stalking Portals into a Bashful Suitcase. They will explode and file a restraining order.
  10. Mike Wallace

    How would you like your Chronicles?

    I wonder if they'd consider doing both; a Blog to post whatever whenever, and every two months they compile the articles (or just the best ones) into a .pdf?
  11. Mike Wallace

    How would you like your Chronicles?

    Which would make your job easier, Kyle?
  12. Mike Wallace

    Carry on My Ten Thunders Son

    I've got that stupid song stuck in my head now. What? Who's leaving? Lindsey? She left months ago. Yeah, I miss her too. Don't you cry no more... DANGIT.
  13. Mike Wallace

    Alt Lazarus Arrives!

    Dude, that McMourning model. Sinister.
  14. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - A Mysterious Surprise

    Aaron's weekend trip to Gatorworld photos!
  15. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - The Obsidian Gate

    "Wait'll they get a load oni." /Joker laugh
  16. Mike Wallace

    Friday Preview - Egg Clutch

    You've got egg on your face now.
  17. Mike Wallace

    March Newsletter

    Bob Moss. His name is Bob Moss. And he paints happy little pigs and "happy accident" explosions. And he is so calm. And then he beat the Neverborn out of it.
  18. Mike Wallace

    TTB Worldwide Campaign

    You will wake from a nightmare, sitting bolt upright in bed and screaming into the cold, dark air. You will not remember the dream, or why it make you scream, but the realized fear will linger, longing for an unrealized memory. If you sleep next to a loved one, they will question you, gently. You will not be able to articulate it with words. They will insist it was nothing, that you should return to sleep. They will think otherwise. You will not realize this, and assume you are alone in your confusion and fear for a future undetermined. The face from the closet will grin, quietly rolling a fat gold coin over its spidery fingers. A coin you would recognize. A coin from your dream. A coin the smiling face offered to you. "Heads, or tails?" It asked, in a voice that was not human, not reptilian, not in your ears but in your mind. "Why?" Your dream-self asked. It did not know the stakes, though you were aware there were stakes. And they were high, indeed. The smiling face flipped the coin. End over end it turned in the air, glinting in pitch dark light. "Call it." In a panic you respond, "Tails, no heads!" Too late. The coin had already landed on heads and you had merely called what you had seen. The grinning face plucked up the coin. "Too bad," it said. "But you didn't really need this, did you?" You scream, silent in your dream but audible in the waking world, as he reached into your chest and pulled- Absently you rub your chest, unable to know why. The grinning man is no longer in the closet, but you did not know this. You attempt to withdraw, seeking the solitude and comfort of unconsciousness, even as you are vaguely aware that dreams are not a safe place. When the sun rises, you check the Wyrd forums. Someone is responding to your question about when you will know if you get to participate. He does not answer your question. You rub your chest. The grinning face hits SEND
  19. Mike Wallace

    Friday Preview - Immolated Rhino

    The answer to the unasked question; "What's worse than an angry rhino?"
  20. Gonna burn it all up! Burn it up! Gonna get drunk in the Bayou and burn it all down to the ground...
  21. Mike Wallace

    Friday Preview - Kassa Okoye

    I'm not sorry.
  22. Mike Wallace

    Friday Preview - Kassa Okoye

    She's got a Titanic hair... cut- YOU STOLE ALL THE GOOD PUNS YOU GUYS.
  23. Mike Wallace

    Friday Preview - Devouring Eel

    This why, when I'm at the beach and I feel a piece of seaweed graze my ankle, I scream like a child.
  24. Mike Wallace

    Monday Preview - Grave Golem

    "I didn't have time to empty a graveyard, so I brought it with me."