Woah Nellie!

[Ben Cairns]

So Martin (ArcanistHero29) and I ended up playing each other last night, in what was billed as an opportunity to try out new stuff, at least that's what he had thought. Unfortunately he never told me...

 

Strategy: Guard the Stash.

Schemes: Convict Labour, Leave your Mark, Covert Breakthrough, Inspection, Take Prisoner.

Setup: Corner Deployment.

 

So Martin took:

 

Nellie, Delegation, Guild Funds, Misleading Headlines.

Phiona Gage, a Debt to the Guild, Wrath of the Guild 

Printing Press

3 Field Journalists 

Master Queeg, a Dept to the Guild

And a Pale Rider...

 

So an intrepid band of journalists ventured into the Bayou accompanied by their trusted school teacher(!) and the walking portent of death! Expecting to write a tale about the Intrepid Adventures of Zipp the Magnificent they stumbled into an Old Hag brewing up a can of Whoop Ass!

 

I took:

Zoraida, Hex Bag and Tarot Reading

Trixiebelle, A Gun for a Lady and Dirty Cheater

Sammy Lacroix, Animal Shape

Whiskey Golem, Barrel Up

Merris Lacroix

2 Bayou Gators (one with a gremlin in it's mouth).

 

Not quite the crew he was expecting (unfortunately due to my policy of only painted models (currently only Zipp and Earl Burns are finished) I was unable to take The Sky Pirates (this self imposed rule seems as popular with my opponents, as post-Brexit UK foreign policy...)

 

Zoraida having just finished brewing two cauldrons before the Paparazzi turned up, realised that she need to Guard her Stash, with no time to get a super-injunction granted by The Judge, she instead had to lump for sending a Bayou Gator towards each marker, with the Whiskey Golem going to left marker.

Like the benefits scroungers the Guild believed them to be, the rest of the Gremlin's seemed to mill about with no apparent goal in mind, the only noticeable event being the appearance of the Old Hag's child, who seemed to be mimicking Phiona Gage, much to her annoyance, with every time the Voodoo Doll was struck, she felt a pang of pain.

The guild sent two of their best investigative journalists to either flank to start searching for evidence near the corners (suggesting a thorough Inspection). Queeg and the Pale Rider moved towards the left marker (my left) with Nellie, Phiona and the third reporter moving towards the right marker/middle.

A face off with no one scoring any points in turn one.

 

The walking portent of death broke the stalemate by (true to form) heralding the death of a innocent harmless reptile (a Bayou Gator (without a gremlin in it's mouth)), who was just basking in the mid day sun! He then turned his attentions to Trixiebelle, shooting at her, who in turn suggested the Sammy rather generously could be shot instead... as confused by this turn of events as poor Sammy, the Pale Rider (being a stickler for honour and not harming someone who didn’t deserve it), fired wide.

Trixie feeling lucky from avoiding death, drew her Big Gun and drew a bead on an unsuspecting Journalist, with a level of anti-press violence, seldom seen outside of a Russell Crowe telephone call, after some truly Dirty Cheating, she Red Jokered the damage and blew the tabloid hack away!

Unfortunately Trixie's delight was short lived and she was charged by Phiona, and after chewing through soulstones like candy to reduce the damage she suffered, Trixie breathed a sigh of relief to be still standing. Zoraida not wishing to see her favourite Gremlin crutch removed, pushed Phiona away. Unfortunately this only delayed the inevitable, as Nellie dragged Trixie out of the woods and into the waiting pickaxe of the maniac!

Queeg standing on a stash marker dropped a scheme marker, which started to wiggle and piggle, and with a monotone "brainnnssss-ehm-oink?" turned into a dead pig rammed packed with explosives!

The Whiskey Golem then hitched up it's barrels, vowing to make today an inservice day (no teachers around!), unfortunately due to hard to kill he was left with one wound.

The reporters on either flank, started uncovering evidence of Zoraida's bottling Bayou water and selling it under the Dasani brand! The Hag realised she needed a better cover up, and made a note to employ Tony Blair's Pr team.

With the Whiskey Golem and a Gator  (with a gremlin in it's mouth) around each of Zoraida's cauldrons scored me a point. Turn two ended 1-0 (me).

 

Merris sick of hanging at the back (a spot which she makes her own in every gremlin crew) and wishing to spread her wings, dashing forward to sit near the marker, to line up a jump into the backfield next round to start scoring Leave your Mark and Cover Breakthrough. Unfortunately the dastard wordsmith Nellie dragged the innocent and defenceless Merris into the open for the pickaxe wielding Guild oppressor to mutilate. Merris exploded, stacking another 4 burning onto Phiona, to go with the plethora of other conditions passed across by the Voodoo Doll.

Nellie, suffering from overwhelming curiosity ventured over to the right cauldron to peak inside, hoping for a scoop. Unfortunately all she met was the snapping jaws of a Bayou Gator (with a Gremlin in it's mouth), despite the Gremlin the Gator still had plenty space to eat Nellie, swallowing her whole! (Much to Martin's distress, he had the suit to trigger the pushback on the previous attack, but although the gator wouldn’t have got the 2^nd charge attack, it could have pushed back for (0) action and still been in range to use its Melee Expert AP to make the killing attack).

The School Teacher (on a break from managing Belgium) whipped the Whiskey Golem, causing it to wobble, splashing him with the good stuff and poisoning him, which would be enough to kill him off in the upkeep stage, having been on his last wound.

The Pale Rider after dodging some attacks from the Whiskey Golem , pushed away before dropping some part of its horse or other appendage to count as something important in the centre of the board. This counted towards some Convict Labour. One of the Reporters scribbled something down, and Left her Mark near the edge of the board. Turn 3 ended 1-2 (to Martin). Both the Voodoo Doll and Phiona succumbed to a mixture of burning and poison (or Martin's cooking as its otherwise known).

 

On the flank a Reporter uncovered more of Zoraida's chequered past, Zoraida in response Obeyed the snooper to bury the evidence in the horoscope section. Trying to do the same to Sammy ended up with the Gremlin showing its rebellious streak and refusing. The Pale Rider then was too stubborn to be Bewitched by the mature strumpet! Infuriated by such a young upstart she Hexed him with no effect. Mumbo Jumbo curses!

Despite not suffering any damage from attacks, the Humiliation of Nellie's exposé of his fetish of twisting Oreo's anticlockwise the Bayou Gator (with a Gremlin in it's mouth) died!

With The Pale Rider pushing away this left the Whiskey Golem to then Nimbly walk off.

Sammy and Zoraida secured the cauldrons, the Convict labour survived the turn, raising it to 2-3 (for Martin).

 

The Pale Rider moved into range with Zoraida and tried to hit her with The Last Crossing, focussing first with a true disregard for Proper Manners, he caused the Old Hag's life to flash before her eyes! Getting the attack off, he flipped a year 9 damage, which after chewing on her final stone to prevent 3 of the damage, Zoraida breathed a huge sigh of relief 

After a somewhat lackluster previous turn, Zoraida looked to the Pale Rider, and rather than seeing a dead bloke on an even dead-er steed, she saw something that remided her of the babe! The Voodoo doll Red Jokered the Hem flip, despite stubborn (Joker and 13!) and at once the Rider and his fate became entwined. Shortly afterwards the soft toy was charged by an exploding pig which dealt enough damage to kill the Pale Rider off.

With just two Reporters and a Printing Press (that was scuttling around at the back) there was not much left for the lackeys of the Guild to achieve. The Reporters  continued snooping around looking to find Trixiebelle's unmentionables. A pair of pants uncovered on the board edge turned out to be a stuffed piglet in disguise! Which snuffled around ineffectually. The Whiskey Golem dropped some of the nectar of the gods before moving on and dropping more roughly where the Guild had came from.

The convict labour no longer scored due to a stuffed piglet standing too close. Another Mark was left by the reporter, Zoraida and Sammy remained to Guard the Stash, the Whiskey Golem revealed his mark had been left and he had Broken through covertly, to end the game 5-4 (Me).

 

[Argentbadger]

Great report!  It sounds like a really fun game, but I especially love the way you add the colourful descriptions of each funny event.

Could it be possible to put the photos in with the relevant part of the text?  It's easier to follow that way.

Congratulations on the win.  I'm looking forward to coming up; maybe we'll get to play at the Governor-General's Wake.