1- It's a good list, but maybe there's too many models, I suggest starting with 35ss and then keep adding.
2- Specially Graves, I always use him as he basically gives lilith a free walk every turn (losing nothing himself). Illuminated are always good, Beckoner can be good, maybe use it as a proxy for Lilitu.
3- He's basically a tank, good defenses and armor, plus usage of soulstones. Use challenge and keep him out of the fights, maybe in cover, picking on weaklings.
4- Precisely, near an engagement but not actually engaged with the big hitters. Then your enemy has to choose between two bad options, checking wp to try and attack the other model, or trying to move out of engagement with the 1st model to try and target Barbaros.
5- It's usually in Nekima, as long as you bring her. The problem with grow lists is that you need the tots scoring VP, and not trying to keep up with their mother, trying to evolve.
6- Lilith ignores hazardous terrain, but flight only ignores it when moving, so Nekima would take damage when activating in it or when landing in it ( in general, not specific to Cherub).
7- Lilith is not a beater, she fights from the shadows. If surrounded by enemy models, she just dies quick. That's why people drop Living Sword for Wings of Darkness. Nekima otoh is the perfect carrier for Fears.
8- No, placing a model does not allow you to hit it, because a placement effect is not a movement. Also there is never not going to be a friendly model within 6", because Lilith herself can be chosen.